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im in love with a man that doesnt want to be with me...`

i have known him since i was younger but we lost touch. 4 kids and some odd years later we met up. he was in a relationship with a chick that really messed him up to where he didnt trust woman. well we dated for a lil bit and he is wonderful. i thought he was the best thing that has ever happen to me. so eventually i fell in love with him. and him me. BUT he decided he wasnt ready for a relationship he says he loves me and is still in love with me. tells me he loves me all the time and we still have sex. My question is what would u do if u were in this situation bc i dont know what to do. i want to wait for him but yet i dont. i enjoy having him as a friend and i still enjoy having sex but i dont want just that...


Asked by Anonymous at 9:04 AM on Aug. 4, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I agree with the other ladies in that you are giving him everything he wants, and he has to give nothing in return. There is no motivation for him to change in the least. Here's a principle which may help you: Women give sex, hoping to get love; men promise love, hoping to get sex. Men almost always get what they are after; women almost never get the results they are hoping for. God really knew what He was doing when He drew the boundary of marriage around sex. It was for our protection physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Life is full of pain and disappointment under the best of circumstances, but God has given us tools for protecting ourselves from a lot of it. We do ourselves a great disservice when we believe that if we just wait long enough or love these men more or give them more sex, they will eventually give us what we want and need. In most cases, it never happens so I think you should say Good-bye.


    Answer by NannyB. at 11:01 AM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • You already give him companionship, love and sex...why would he want to change anything?

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:14 AM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • I read a book last year about "commitaphobics". I can't remember the name of it but if you like to read just google it or go to and search.

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:14 AM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • I've been in such a similar situation lately. I met someone through a friend and I just fell in love with him. Well, after a few months together he decided he didn't want a realtionship but of course still wants to have sex and keep me around if he needs someone to go out with and do things with. I had to decide that I wanted much better than that, I want so much more out of a relationship than just sex. You deserve better too, and if he wants you he knows where to find you. Don't do this to yourself, just leave him be and let him come to you. If he doesn't then he wasn't worth your time anyway. Good Luck!

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:14 AM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • So you're okay for him to have sex with, but not good enough for a relationship? Run - these are the type of guys that give men a bad name.

    Answer by missanc at 9:17 AM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • That's the oldest trick in the player handbook, "I don't trust women" which means that it is now a challenge for you to get him to trust you and for you to prove to him that he can trust you having sex with him. The entire purpose he is coming around is because you have sex with him. Why would he want to commit to a relationship when you give it so freely? He doesn't have to commit because you more than meet him halfway.

    I have been there and can tell you that type of man does not change because he doesn't have to. He doesn't have to compromise because you will bring to him what he wants and needs. The only thing for you to do right now is bail on him. Stop seeing him. Stop talking, calling, texting him... You will lose more of yourself than you know and end up hating yourself for it. He is crap and is not worthy of you.

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 9:21 AM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • It sounds as though you are in love with a dream, that you have an infatuation. Infatuations are extremely painful, partly because they are hopeless, there isn't the joy that mutual love has. How nice for him that he enjoys having sex with you. But you are being held back from living your life by your involvement with someone who only wants sex. It's time to turn your eyes elsewhere and grow strong on your own. Perhaps some day you'll meet someone who wants more than a sex companion.

    Answer by Bmat at 10:20 AM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • Run and Run fast as you can. You are giving him the cake and coffee why do you think he would want to give you anything back. Make it known to him that unless he wants to commit to a relationship then all bets are off. Men WANT SEX if they are getting it without the commitment they are going to take it. Sorry to be so blunt but I think he just wants the sex.


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:49 AM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • you are probably just a back up girl for seems like he can get anything he wants from you and leave everytime

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:01 AM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • I totally agree with nannyb, God knew what he was doing by wanting sex to be saved for marriage. Women are so different than men, and I don't know a single woman who can TRULY have sex with someone without feeling some type of emotion toward them, but I honestly believe for men it's all about sex, they can have sex and feel nothing for the other person. Honey, you deserve SO much better than what this man is giving you. If he wanted to be with you then nothing would keep him from it, it's just that simple. Cut him loose before you get hurt any further and let yourself be found by that man out there that wants to be with you no matter what. Good luck, I know it's going to hurt but you can do it!

    Answer by jillisue808 at 11:07 AM on Aug. 4, 2009