How would you feel if your toddler was in the hospital and every day during the week you were there with your toddler AND your DH/SO dropped off your infant so he can go to work. It's ok because you're the mother and that's what needs to be done when you don't have a babysitter. But when the weekend comes, instead of help you get someone who asks you how upset you'd be if they went and played church softball. You told them EXACTLY how upset you'd be AND why. Yet they go and do it anyway.
How would you feel knowing that you NEEDED their support and their help but they chose to play ball? And making it worse they did it regardless of how you felt about it. (His "reason" - "What? You would rather they forfeit the game while I just sit here?") And added to this he thinks I'm supposed to have sex with him even though he's proved that other people are more of a priority? It's takes TIME to heal a broken heart. =(
Asked by Anonymous at 10:09 AM on Aug. 4, 2009 in Relationships
I can say with 100% certainty that this would never happen with my husband. He's a healthcare professional and takes parenting seriously. However, if it did happen, I would be set to kill. I'm assuming this is his child who is in the hospital? Grrrrr........
Sit him down and tell him you need a clear 50/50 split of responsibility right now with the child. You absolutely cannot be expected to do this on your own. If he still doesn't get it, show him the door. Sounds harsh, but if he's like this in a crisis (and a hospitalized toddler IS a crisis) then, really, what good is he? Why would you want to spend your life with someone so selfish? For better or worse, mama.
Answer by goddessmonica at 10:23 AM on Aug. 4, 2009
Answer by admckenzie at 10:12 AM on Aug. 4, 2009
Answer by Bmat at 10:16 AM on Aug. 4, 2009
Answer by Anonymous at 10:20 AM on Aug. 4, 2009
Answer by admckenzie at 10:25 AM on Aug. 4, 2009
I wanted to add that we teach people how to treat us. If you allow someone to put you on the back burner, that is indeed where you will remain. Put a stop to it TODAY.
Answer by goddessmonica at 10:25 AM on Aug. 4, 2009
Answer by Bmat at 10:31 AM on Aug. 4, 2009
Bmat, (I'maddressing you because I'm specifically responding to you). After 2 years of begging and finally getting pissed enough about this incident he FINALLY got someone to help me out. She's been here 3 times. It is a big help and relief for me and my sanity. But I'm still very angry that he stood us up in the hospital for a freakin' softball game and after HE ASKED how I'd feel about it. Eventually I'll just move on but he really made me mad this morning asking if I'm ever gonna make love to him after he has crushed my heart over and over for the last 4 years. Yes, I know I apparently let him because I'm still here. I try to forget things and move on but it's very difficult when he continues to do stuff like this. And our toddler being in the hospital just completely topped it off.
Answer by Anonymous at 10:44 AM on Aug. 4, 2009
I think the answer would be entirely different depending on whether or not he was in fact married to you. If you are married, that means he has made vows, and a wife can hold her husband accountable to the vows that he has made. If he is not your husband, even though you have children with him, he has not made vows to you, and you therefore have no grounds on which you can hold him accountable. While the feelings experienced could be exactly the same--abandonment, lack of caring, insensitivity--your options for handling it are not the same. If he is your husband, tell him how his not being with you makes you feel, and be very specific and careful not to accuse him of being a bad person. Then tell him that when he married you, he made vows to honor, cherish, or whatever else you said in your vows. Then tell him that by leaving you alone, he is not honoring those vows. Then you can set consequences.
Answer by NannyB. at 10:47 AM on Aug. 4, 2009
Eventually I'll just move on but he really made me mad this morning asking if I'm ever gonna make love to him after he has crushed my heart over and over for the last 4 years. Yes, I know I apparently let him because I'm still here. I try to forget things and move on
Anon, I don't know why I'm getting emotionally vested in this, but WHY on earth are you putting up with this? He had the nerve to ask you for intimacy when you're exhausted, upset and stressed out over the toddler in the hospital? What are you doing, mama? You've got to be stronger than that. And men are, in fact, capable of understanding more than we give them credit for. Some women act as if they are idiots when it comes to emotions and understanding. Like we can't expect too much from them. Give me a break. Men are capable of thinking, feeling and understanding just like we are.
Answer by goddessmonica at 11:00 AM on Aug. 4, 2009
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