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How do not give in to guilt?

I lost my husband in 07 I was 8 months pregnant with my Daughter Ava, My son who is 5 are constantly called spoiled because I feel guilty they don't got their real father so I often indulge them, lately I've noticed my son keeps saying He's pitiful because he has no father, My mother in law often tells him that so but at the same time tells me I spoil them to much, more so since I got remarried to my best friend from childhood. I HAVE noticed I do spoil them but I just can't bring myself to stop the guilt of me being the only parent... I just can't afford to buy toys anymore since I got Pregnant and quit my job... How do I break a bad habit and not feel guilty?


Asked by vikings_beauty at 4:44 PM on Aug. 4, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (5)
  • If your children grow to adulthood being spoiled, then you'll REALLY feel guilty. Let them learn some short term lessons so they will be better people. You can't give them the feelings that come from having a father with anything bought in a store. But you can give them feelings of pride in themselves. You need to instill self respect in them by recognizing that they are not damaged or less worthy because their father passed. By continuing to treat them as though they are lacking something, they are going to believe you, and not reach their full potential.

    Answer by apexmommy at 4:47 PM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • I think that you and your son will benefit from grief therapy.

    you should be able to find resources here:



    Answer by rkoloms at 4:47 PM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • Guilt? Life sucks and that is reality. Guilt should come when you realize you have n't made the right personal choices or you failed to teach them what they need to make it through life-and on thier own if need be. Feel guilty that telling them you can't spoil them anymore is stressing you. They are so spoiled that not spoiling them and their reaction to it worries you. Adjustments and disappointments are a part of life. Teaching this is one of the best things you can do for them. No guilt should be involved. Rather you should be proud that you are on your way to teaching the kids something valuable to life.

    Answer by Traxx at 5:13 PM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • Let me just add, you are doing everything you can! You didn't choose what happened to your husband, and I'm so sorry for your loss. Definitely cut yourself a break, and I'd have a word with MIL.

    Answer by apexmommy at 5:25 PM on Aug. 4, 2009

  • I made the same mistake after i divorced my sons {sperm donor } I felt sorry for my son , but I'm paying for it now believe me , I'm learning the hard way in more ways than one and good luckI'm trying to undo what i have created !! Good luck to you,


    Answer by mrkrabspearl at 6:19 PM on Aug. 4, 2009