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How do I respond to this?

Me and my husband have been married for two years now and I decided to file for a divorce. Well my husband didn't take to well of my decision, he went to war with me and couldn't get me to change my mind, we had to meet at the attorney office today to settle our case. When asked who will get the kids he said he wanted joint custody I want full because he lives with his granny, he smokes and drinks and has other bad habbits. Any way he yells out 'Fuck them kids, I don't want them you can have them" Now he just promised them they could spend this weekend with him now its fuck you, well they are five year old twin boys, they already go to counseling for not being with him and he goes and do this. How do I explain daddy is gone forever, they already think is my fault he left?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:37 PM on Aug. 5, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (6)
  • tell them it was his choice. 5 is old enough to understand choice and option. tell them he wanted to leave. they will understand
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:40 PM on Aug. 5, 2009

  • I would not explain that he is gone forever, since he seems pretty inconsistent about this. Just explain that he is not going to be able to see them this weekend. Counselling is a good idea. Talk to their counsellor about how to discuss matters about their dad with them. I walk a fine line between being honest and not talking sh*t about him.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 3:42 PM on Aug. 5, 2009

  • Don't tell them Daddy is gone forever. That will devastate them as I am sure you are seeing that in them now. Let them realize it on their own. Don't mention it to them, take them out to do things, the zoo, the park, a movie and focus on their life and let them see that life goes on without people who don't want to be in it.

    Be positive and loving. Those boys will know soon enough where their love comes from. I am so sorry they are going through that. My son is 8 and his birth father lives 15 minutes from us. He has never met my son and my son believed for the longest time that his bf didn't come around because God was angry with him. I explained God is finding a better Dad for him and we have to be ready when God shows us who that is. I met my husband a month later in 2007 and we married in February this year. Hope does float up just be patient. God be with you and your boys.
    lilbit022009

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 3:43 PM on Aug. 5, 2009

  • why are you uys making them feel like it's all their fault seriously both of you need to grow up and focus on the kids, he may not be anythign right now but he's still a father I mean No one is going to take well to a divorce those kiddos don't seem to be taking well. Stop thinking of yourselves and think of them it shouldn't be about the blame put on you it should be how can I make them understand that we're divorcing and it's going to hurt all off of us but we are here for you children conversation seriously they should come first before this he said she said they blame me woe is me deal.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:45 PM on Aug. 5, 2009

  • Well he had those bad habits when you were with him. So, what has changed? The only thing that has changed was he is not with you. He is probably just angry that you won't let him have him 1/2 the time. I doubt he meant it. He's mad and hurt that you are doing this. Let them see their dad.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:46 PM on Aug. 5, 2009

  • It's not your responsibility to explain dad's bad behavior. If the kids ask where dad is or why he doesn't come by just tell them "IDK, we'll ask him when we see him" Let him explain his bad behavior. Once he calms down, he'll probably be ok and see the kids so don't upset them needlessly
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:08 PM on Aug. 5, 2009

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