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My husband may not be the father of my oldest

Shortly after marrying my husband I had sex with my ex. My husband knows about it. He forgave me. I have not done anything since, nor would I. However, around that time is when I conceived my oldest. Obviously my husband knows this to. he treats him like he is, and there has never been an issue. He looks very much like me, but I have noticed he also has features of my ex. i say a picture of my ex when he was 2 a week ago and my son looks just like him. My husband saw the picture to. I have discussed this with my ex. he doesn't want kids, never has, claims he never will. He doesn't want to be in my son's life, but my question is, should I ever tell my son? Should I get a paternity test?

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:07 PM on Aug. 5, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • you have a great husband!!
    wow, does he have an identical brother (lol)

    sounds like you can really communicate with your husband and it is his call also
    i would figure this out with him and do what the both of you think is best
    bRAVO! on the example of how a marriage can overcome obstacles

    sounds like you do not need ;us; with a forgiving loving man you have with your husband


    Answer by Anonymous at 4:12 PM on Aug. 5, 2009

  • Yes, the child needs to know about both parents' medical history. If heart problems or diabetes run in the family or not, for example. Or if there is some other disorder that he may have inherited. So he should know who is the father.

    Answer by Bmat at 4:12 PM on Aug. 5, 2009

  • If you can get the paternity test first without your son knowing anything about it. This way you know whether or not you even have to mention it. No sense in causing him some hurt for just a possibility. Get the fact first then decide what to do with it.

    Oh yeah.. don't pay attention to the first anon... just a troll that needs to go back under it's bridge.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:21 PM on Aug. 5, 2009

  • ask your husband what he wants you to do. This is a question for husband and wife to discuss, not strangers.

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:24 PM on Aug. 5, 2009

  • go on maury!

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:46 PM on Aug. 5, 2009

  • If this man doesn't want kids, how can you convince him to take a paternity test? He may think it's to establish a relationship and child support...with that said, be honest with this man and tell him why you want a dna...then if he does turn out to be the father and still chooses NOT to be a part of your child's life, then leave him alone and count your blessings that you have a good man to help you raise your child. As far as telling the's only right that you do..#1 he deserves to know who his biological parents are. #2, if you don't tell him, someone else will.

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 5:01 PM on Aug. 5, 2009

  • Yes, probably. Get a paternity test. But, discuss this with your husband. He might not want you to.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:01 PM on Aug. 5, 2009

  • she doesnt have to ask him for a paternity test, just test her husband. if it turns out he is not his father, then just ask the guy his medical history so she is aware of her sons future health outcomes. If she does not want child support or the man does not want to be in the childs life, then i do not see the harm in telling the child now that he has a biological daddy. Kids are very resiliant and understand more then we do sometimes. There is no reason this should scar him if he knows he is loved by his parents he has in his life

    Answer by stefirose22 at 10:01 AM on Aug. 6, 2009

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