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CAN U make up the past???

Im a mother of a soon to be 17 year old son, a real good kid, but a little on the lazy side, for the last 11 years that i have been living in the same house with my husband and son, i hae become a bitter mean mom, days im, nice to him and days i would go off, and even call him retard(sorry for the word).. and i know i was just messing up his self esteem, and days he was like the great kid ur the best, but my husband and i did alot of this verbal damage, my question is, my husband and i have a new look on life now, and we dont know if we can make up for the 11 years of shit we put our son through, he did encounter, no reason woopins when he was 7, 8, 9 like if he spilled the milk, stupid reason, but can these things be made up, and changed...we love him, we were ina bad place, but now we want the world for him, will he forgive us, will he get his self esteem back?? help can the past be made up???

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:10 PM on Aug. 5, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (7)
  • you cannot replace but you can build up new self esteem. Talk to son and tell him it was your issue not his and you and dad want to make amends
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:57 PM on Aug. 5, 2009

  • Have you apologized to him? Tell him you're sorry, both of you tell him. Then do right. You can't change the past, but you can move past it & it sounds like you're ready and willing to do what you need to do. It'll take time and patience, but I have faith in you.
    DrJChappell

    Answer by DrJChappell at 5:20 PM on Aug. 5, 2009

  • I think we all say things we later regret, it is common to hurt those you love the most. I don't know why this is, but it does seem to be true. Your son is on the way of becoming a man now, and although you can not take the past back you can give him a brighter future. A boy needs a mother to show him how to have a good relationship with females. I have a son a few years younger then yours and we have our bad days but at the end of the day we always came back and work things out and try to learn from our mistakes. To error is human and I would talk to your son and tell him that you are sorry for what has happened in the past and you want to work on a good future together. Good luck and I know you and him will do just fine, you are in the process now.
    ronjwake

    Answer by ronjwake at 6:50 PM on Aug. 5, 2009

  • No, you cannot makeup for the abuse you did to your son. You can only apologize and hope he accepts your apology. You need to hope and pray that you didn't cause him long lasting affects from what you did. You may have set your son up for a lifetime of doubting what anyone says to him. I highly suggest family counseling and individual counseling for ALL of you. You all really need it.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:31 PM on Aug. 5, 2009

  • THERE IS NO MAKING UP FOR ABUSE, YOU ARE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO LIVE WITH THAT JUST AS HE HAD TO LIVE WITH THE ABUSE. COMMUNICATION IS ALWAYS GOOD, APOLOGIZE AND TREAT HIM LIKE HE DESERVED TO BE TREATED FROM THE START BUT DON'T EXPECT AN OVER NIGHT CHANGE.
    older

    Answer by older at 1:42 PM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • I'm sorry to say, but no, you can't make up for the past. My step mother was abusive as well and growing up, my house was NOT where you wanted to be. When I was an adult, she apologized. Whatever. I forgave her, but I simply can't find it in my heart to love her or want to spend time with her. We are not close, we will never be close.

    I'm not angry anymore, like I said, I forgave her. I think the problem is that when children are young, that's when you build the trust, the love and the relationship. When that isn't done, you can't go back and build those core needs. At least not in my case.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:24 PM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • You can't make up the past, but you can try to make it better with your son. I agree with the other answers. First you have to apologize. Start telling your son how much you love him and hang out with him sometimes. He won't want to do it. If the weather permits go to an amusement park or festival. Try to do something to bond with him.
    yamagucci

    Answer by yamagucci at 2:54 PM on Aug. 6, 2009

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