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i am the one wrote in about needing some cheering up from you girls and what i should do from hubby going to south dekota to add to question i looked at bank account &there is only 300 left and today is only wed. my gutes are in nots right now i still love him for how he has been treating me why do i .

how can i make him see the light and start to act like my husband and be a dad. our son is at his grandparents and does not even want to come home because of how the home life is. hubby was great to me until we had our son and i could not find babysitters to watch the kids so he turned to his friends and left me home. will not let me go out with any friends don'nt have any more. last time i tried going out he did somthing to my truck and could not start it. i am with our children 24/7. family lives 6 hr's away from us. behind on all of our bills hubby does not care. he will not watch our kids for me to get a job. if i get a job will not have a pay check at end of wk goes all to childcare. i am so stupid i still want to make this marriage work why

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:47 PM on Aug. 5, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • I have NO idea???
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:48 PM on Aug. 5, 2009

  • I don't know why, because this is NOT a marriage. There are HUGE red flags all over the place here.

    1. He isolated you from friends.
    2. He damaged your truck.
    3. He takes off in these trips?

    GET OUT, fast. The line about damaging your truck is what frightens me most. It' snot a far line from him to go from damaging the truck to damaging YOU or the kids.

    Clean out the bank account and GO. As fast as you can. Find a lawyer...a women's shelter can help you with that.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:49 PM on Aug. 5, 2009

  • You're trying to love him for the person he was, not the person he is now. If he changed after you had kids then more than likely he isn't going to change back. Honestly, he was always like that but you were always free to go with him and now you're just the "ball and chain" at home. I'm sorry but I couldn't stay in a marriage like that.
    KennsWifey

    Answer by KennsWifey at 4:50 PM on Aug. 5, 2009

  • Talk with your religious adviser, or get couples counseling. He sounds abusive if he is stopping you from getting out. You deserve some time off. Could you tell him what you are telling us, that it isn't working out for you and that something needs to be done to save the marriage?
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 4:51 PM on Aug. 5, 2009

  • he probably just took the distributor cap off, were you drunk? if you weren't drunk then he's controlling.
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 4:51 PM on Aug. 5, 2009

  • YOU ARE NOT STUPID! The last thing that you should be doing is beating yourself up over the things that are happening to you, that will not help the situation at all. What you need to do is have a serious talk with him and see where it goes from there. If he chooses not to change his selfish and juvenile ways then it may be time for you to move on and take the kids elsewhere. You are a strong and capable woman and you deserve respect, help and love, not to be taken advantage of and walked on daily. He helped to make the children, he can help to raise them. He is being a horrible role model and you need to really take that into account. You need to ultimately put yourself and the children first....he obviously always puts himself first and has no qualms about it at all. Do some serious soul searching....would your life really be that different without him?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:54 PM on Aug. 5, 2009

  • I agree with PP. I just responded to your first question & saw this one. Honey, it's time to go. This is abusive behavior & it's just going to get worst. Both of my exes were like this. You cannot change him or his behavior. Accept that now. He has to be the one to want change & he clearly doesn't want to change. It's time to go now. Take what you need and go to your folks. Now. If not today, then first thing tomorrow morning. Get that $300 & go.

    You're not stupid at all. You are strong and capable. You can do this. There is something about being in a controlling relationship that corrodes your self-trust. But you have to trust yourself now. For your well-being and your kids. Please, please, please. Your instincts are steering you right already; you know inside that this situation isn't working, & you're asking for help. You're doing the right thing. Pack up your truck. Immediately. Praying for you, honey. (((hugs)))
    DrJChappell

    Answer by DrJChappell at 5:11 PM on Aug. 5, 2009

  • So he traps you at home, damages your truck, takes all of the money and leaves you with nothing for the children or yourself?

    GET THE F*** OUT NOW!
    Those are some serious warning signs that he is an abuser and i doubt he will stop at just breaking your truck.
    LilChynaDollie

    Answer by LilChynaDollie at 1:58 AM on Aug. 6, 2009

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