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about adopted childs birth family.

My adopted son's birth family had him baptized catholic when he was a baby he had godparents and all. I'm not catholic, I'm baptist they don't like it but oh well. But anytime they call or AS visits them they are telling him that he is catholic and he should spend time w/ his god parents. Right now he is five so it doewnt matter but how do I make them stop in the future. They don't respect any of my decisions for AS, I don't want to stop visits but I can and will. How do I tell them to start respecting me?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:58 PM on Aug. 5, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (5)
  • Simply tell them that if they can't respect your wishes you are going to stop the visits and tehn stick to your guns.

    Answer by NannyTracy at 5:12 PM on Aug. 5, 2009

  • I understand that you are upset that they are telling him that he Is catholic. I understand them wanting him to spend time with his God Parents. I also think that at 5 it is not the time to be starting religious confusion. If you want him raised baptist then that is your choice. On the other hand you knew his BP religion before the Adoption I am guessing? (am I wrong?) Which would lead them to believe that you are willing to allow them to share their faith with him as well. I think it would be a good idea for you to sit down with the birth parents and decide how you want to handle religion. Find common ground. There really is a lot! Decide what you want your son to know know and what they can tell him later. In the end as an adult it will be his chioice what faith he follows. I am with you though. they do need to respect your wishes, that's why I think you need to talk.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:34 PM on Aug. 5, 2009

  • sorry that was me ^ ^ Didn't mean to be anon. Don't know what happened?

    Answer by But_Mommie at 5:35 PM on Aug. 5, 2009

  • Adoption isn't co-parenting even if the post-adoption relationships are open. And that is hard sometimes for birth families to accept. It's one thing to be allowed to have continued contact and have the opportunity to remain in the adoptee's life (something that closed adoptions didn't allow for) but entirely another thing to expect that all decisions will be mutually agreeable.

    I'm an adult adoptee and also a birth mother. Facts are facts, legally the familial relationship between the adoptee and his/her bio parents has been severed. This would be an entirely different conversation if the adoptee had spent years with the bio family and it was an older adoption. It's not a matter of continuing something that the child has come to expect. I think you need to let them know that you respect the beginning of your child's story and that they need to respect this chapter too. Open adoptions are hard work - kudos to you!!!!

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 6:04 PM on Aug. 5, 2009

  • You tell the birth family that you are is legal parent now and he is being raised in your faith. If they cannot abide by your rules, then they will not be allowed to visit anymore. The birth family has no rights to this child anymore, the rights were severed when you adopted him. You do not have to allows his godparents to see him either. He is your son now, not theirs. You have all the rights to raise him as you see fit. If their interfernce is causing your son issues, the visits need to stop.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:22 PM on Aug. 5, 2009

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