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Stating your opinion or keeping your mouth shut?

So you've noticed that your friend treats their 5yo son like a baby. The child is immature for his age. The mother, your friend, does everything for this child. You noticed that the child purposely flings his flip flop off and the mother bending down to put the slipper back on the 5 yo. Do you say anything about the parenting techiques she's using? She also does other things that in my opinion is setting the child up for failure in life. Do you find it your job to say something to the mother? If so, what approach do you take to tell her about what she's doing?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:05 AM on Aug. 6, 2009 in Just for Fun

Answers (11)
  • She wouldn't take kindly to criticism of her mothering. She'll find out soon enough when the child goes to school. Perhaps you could find an incident to comment lightly and briefly that the child could do something himself. For example if she is ...say holding up an activity to do something for him, you could say oh he can do that himself let's get the ice cream truck before it's gone, for example. But it shouldn't come across as criticizing. Some time maybe you can let him do something for himself and then praise him: Oh look! Johnny put tied his own shoes!
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:13 AM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • A phrase I use on men is "it's too bad you can't just ..." Try it is too bad little Johnny can't tie his own shoes. It will put the thought in her head that maybe it is time without directly critizing.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:40 AM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • The issue is that, there's no shoe to tie, it's a darn flipflop...slippers with nothing to buckle...just slip your foot in..she bent down, took his foot and slipped the flipflop on...it was irriating to just watch..and other moms were watching too.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:47 AM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • keep the mouth shut. if the child is close enough to you to have at your house, speak up and tell the child and not the mother how children are to behave in your house.
    when children were disrespectful to their moms at my house, I would interrupt by saying
    Jane is my friend, and I do not allow anyone to treat my friends this way. So you will have to be nice to my friend in my house.
    and for whatever reason that always worked. and when they went back home they turned back into heathens.
    Bmat, I agree, she will find out quickly when he goes to school.
    jewjewbee

    Answer by jewjewbee at 9:09 AM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • the boy just finished Kindergarden and the teacher advised to hold him back because of his maturity level is not there. But the parents are still going to put him in first grade. That's the issue, the mom doesnt' think it's her doing anything wrong.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:30 AM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • That's tough. Honestly, If I was super close to my friend I would find subtle ways to drop comments that hopefully wouldn't come off as criticism. My niece is the same way and her mom does what your friend does. It's extremely irritating. Well my ex father in law is straight up tell her what she's doing wrong and she doesn't take it very well. So I know the hard core truth isn't going to do any good. When my niece is with me though she's playing a whole new ball game.
    munch12502

    Answer by munch12502 at 9:31 AM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • We all have our own parenting style. Our mothering skills are a very touchy subject. Most women don't appreciate being criticized. I guess it would depend on the nature of my relationship with the mom. I have a very close friend...we can and do say some things to one another..but we have known each other for years. She thinks I "over parent" and I think the fact that she has a grand daughter from her 13 yr old implies she "under parents" But we accept one another for who we are. We respect the choices we make for our families.

    As long as it is not neglect and or abuse...it is really none of our business what other moms do.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 9:52 AM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • keep it to yourself
    Unless its abuse or neglect it is none of your concern.
    wildboyz1994

    Answer by wildboyz1994 at 9:57 AM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • Unless she asks your opinion, you should keep your mouth shut
    Niki_sd

    Answer by Niki_sd at 10:10 AM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • All this has been really helpful...thank you, I will be honest if she ask but otherwise, keep quiet.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:25 AM on Aug. 6, 2009

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