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Was I wrong?

For 5 years my husband didn't hold down a job. He had a good job at one time with a pipeline company making good money, and could have traveled with them but wouldn't. He decided one day that he was going to go back to school, and I thought he would work while going to school, but he wouldn't do that either. He has custody of his daughter but left her with his mother because he didn't want to "hurt" his mothers feelings by taking her away from her. Then his mother had a stroke so he moved her in with us, she was HORRIBLE to me, I couldn't even have a conversation in my own home without getting jumped on. Then he stopped wanting to have sex with me....I finally left him but feel horrible about not being able to make my marriage I a terrible person for leaving?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:45 AM on Aug. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (3)
  • Leaving him does not make you a terrible person. And since I don't know what all you tried in order to make it work, it might have in the end been a viable option. However, I do think you need to realize that these kinds of issues are seldom 100% his fault and 0% your fault. A personality like his will usually attract one like yours, and that is not altogether a bad thing. The goal is to find a balance somewhere in the middle and achieve a peaceful, harmonious union. Even if only one spouse is willing to work towards the middle ground, there is usually improvement to be found. What usually happens is that one or the other spouse just gets fed up and says they aren't going to put up with this anymore. If you did work for the middle ground, and it didn't change anything, I would just caution you to be very careful should you try again. It is likely that you will choose the same personality type again.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:06 AM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • *OP* I think I've learned my lesson well with this one, one requirement I have before I date anyone is that they have a job, and have held down that job for quite sometime. No, I wasn't perfect, that's for sure, but I stayed and put up with him putting everyone one and his own wants before the NEEDS of our family. I'm not saying I'm 100% blameless, but dang I didn't know what else to do, I stayed for 5 years and kept begging him to change and step up and be a man. The only regret I do not have is his daughter, who still comes and stays with me, and who wants to come and live with me because she is being neglected emotionally by her dad because he's so wrapped up in his mother. I feel bad for her, but there's not a lot I can do about it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:10 AM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • I left my husband too and I struggle somedays with the "did I do the right thing" thoughts. I don't know if I did. But I don't want to go back even when I think I did the wrong thing so that answers my question for me. Leaving is a lot harder than I thought it would be. We all have our things that get under our skin and sometimes you just can't get passed them. A big one of mine was that my husband was a "work harder not smarter" kind of guy and I was tired of being broke all the time. He wouldn't listen to any idea's about going to school to get a better job or look in to another job because he liked his job. It just got to be too much, not the way I wanted to live. But there are times I miss him a lot. I mean he was part of my life for so long that it's so different not to have him in it at times.

    Answer by munch12502 at 10:37 AM on Aug. 6, 2009

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