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i am going through a divorce after years of strugling and being blamed soley for affair i had..my husbaand took no responsibiltly for his part of neglecting me i have told him i dont blame him and it was my mistake. he since had affair went cross counntry twice to see her and thinks because of what i did it okay...i still want us back but he has given up..im having a hard time coping...blaming me for it all...any ideas to hepl me through.. i see a therapist but still have moments.

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tigerrose3

Asked by tigerrose3 at 11:53 AM on Aug. 6, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (8)
  • It sounds like you really hurt him. Maybe he is just one of those people that are just completely done when there spouse cheats. Or he's just using it so he can be with u and someone else at the same time. And if that's the case it won't get better and you both should move on.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:57 AM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • When you have a mement... come here to vent. {{ Ignore the bashers}} It takes two to make a marriage work. He probably was hurt, and is lashing out. Take some time, instead of trying to "get him back", to work on yourself. Why did you have the affair? Why were you feeling neglected? What steps lead to the affair? That way, even if you don't get back toegether, you can still come out of the situation a better person.
    say_tay

    Answer by say_tay at 12:00 PM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • why would you tell him you do NOT blame him when you obviously do blame him and rightly so in my opinion. You let him off the hook and let him think he was a victim when he created the opportunity for you to get your needs met elsewhere. The problem is that men don't forgive as easily as women can. Tell him to take responsibility for his part in it. Now that he's "gotten even" then he should be willing to fix things unless he found someone he really likes so I guess it's just a sit and wait situation now
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:07 PM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • There's not enough information here.
    When you were feeling neglected by him, did you tell him that? Did you try to work things out with him before you cheated?
    Is the reason he's taking no responsibility for neglecting you because he wasn't even aware it was an issue?

    I personally don't think that cheating is justifiable. If you were unhappy in your marriage then steps should have been taken to work it out or to end the marriage BEFORE screwing around with someone else.

    If both of you feel justified in cheating on the other for whatever reason then why even be married?
    Laila-May

    Answer by Laila-May at 12:15 PM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • Oh of course because he took a gun to your head and forced you to have an affair. Just like it was not your fault he had an affair. People need to take full responsibility for their actions.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:45 PM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • Ok, I just reread this and am sorry I didn't pay attention to the fact you are already divorcing. I was so angry that he neglected you and lead to the entire matter that I completely overlooked the fact you need support to get through what it is now. Divorces can suck if you don't want them. After mine I went to a divorce recovery group for moral support. Heck after 3 of them I could run the group now. Sorry...I shouldn't joke about it. You are clearly not at the humor stage yet. Once you accept what's what then you can make plans to move on. See if there is a divorce recovery group near you. Hugs.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:47 PM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • Your husband is hurting because you betrayed the marriage vows. Two wrongs don't make it right but you must accept the hand that you dealt for yourself...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 12:59 PM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • his responsibility for your affair WTF I hope your therapist will tell you that only you can control your actions and you are fully responsible for the affair you had. I think its great he wont take you back if there were more people doing this I think infedelity would decrease if everyone knew if I have an affair and get caught or tell my spouse I am going to lose them.I am also in a neglectful marriage and also reconnected with a lost love several years ago we both love each other but we agreed we do not speak or see each other until we are both divorced,because we dont want to feel like we left our spouse for each other idk too complicated to explain.Get your self together and then if its meant to be its meant to be but I really wouldnt be worried about what hes doing now since you basically are the one who called it quits by having the affair
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:11 PM on Aug. 6, 2009

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