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I read my stepdaughters diary and she wrote that she wanted to murder me.

My 11 year old stepdaughter found her mother dead 2 years ago. Her mother was mentally ill, and had drug and alcohol issues. My stepdaughter has never shown any grief over her mothers' death. She is a compulsive liar, yet she appears very sweet, soft spoken and innocent. She is very manipulative. We have a lot of interference from my husbands family & from her mothers family. We are going to counseling for the second time, but since she is very adept at saying what she thinks people want to hear, so far nothing has changed. Any input?

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:31 PM on Aug. 6, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (15)
  • Wow makes me want to sleep with one eye open.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:32 PM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • Why were you reading her diary? To be honest, I wouldn't trust you or respect you as a stepmom either if this is just a glimpse into how you treat her. When I was a kid there were times that I felt so angry about things that I said or wrote or thought very mean thoughts...and I'm sure that's what she is doing. But I would highly suggest you find your proper role as mother/step mom and respect her. If you can't do that she will never respect you.

    Answer by munch12502 at 12:37 PM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • While I agree partially w/Munch, you shouldn't have been snooping, you cannot undo what you did and bring the diary to the counselor and show your hubby. Its ok to expreess what you feel but its another thing to actually say your going to commit a crime like murder. I hope you get it all solved. Good luck!

    Answer by Mama_Kimmy at 12:42 PM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • It's your damn house, you can snoop all you want!
    Damn haters!
    Get her into some counsiling and perhaps put an alarm on your door of some sort. Explain to the cousilers exactly what you told us. Or better yet, confront the little brat about it!

    Answer by Starfire73 at 6:39 PM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • OK, first off don't trust the advice of someone calling your stepdaughter a brat.

    Secondly, your sd should have been in therapy after finding her mother dead. If she wasn't then, she definately needs to be now.

    Third, one of the things that therapy will do is encourage her to write a journal of her thoughts that NOONE is supposed to see, so you definately need to stop snooping. Take this as a sign from her that she needs help, but please do not invade her privacy again.

    Answer by Petie at 9:32 PM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • Sorry, just reread your post and I missed that you are going back to a counselor. OOps, none the less, you should express your concerns about what you read but not within earshot of your sd.

    Answer by Petie at 9:34 PM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • I don't understand parents who don't get the idea of snooping. She gave you every reason to snoop--- there are and have been problems. Stay with counceling. If this one doesn't get to something, change people you are seeing. Not every professional is right for every person and situation. This is beyond what normal parents who want to explore the best options for their kids can handle without help. This child has ben through more than some adults. My heart goes out to all of you. Stick with this. It may take some time- longer than you hoped. Change professionals if needed. It isn't anything against the one you have now, it's about finding something or someone with the magic to get through to her. In the mean time- I would be very causious of any violence on her part.


    Answer by Traxx at 12:57 AM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • I don't think you should have read her journal. It may be your house but that is her personal property. How can you expect her to be trustworthy when you're not.

    Answer by drpepper73 at 10:44 AM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • Why the hell were you reading her diary???

    No wonder she wants to "murder" have no respect for her privacy.

    While I think it's acceptable to keep tabs on your kids' internet activity, I think it's flat-out wrong to read their diaries. A diary is supposed to be someone's safe place to express themself without fear of what other people think. You broke that sanctity.

    She has a lot going on in her head.

    I doubt she actually wants to kill you; it's just written frustration.

    This girl needs counseling, not a snoop of a stepmother.

    If you want to get inside her head, you do so by gaining her trust and spending time with her, not by forcing your way in.

    Answer by Mousuke at 2:28 PM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • I don't have a huge problem with reading a kids' diary....anything I can do as a parent to know my child and what the child is up to is okay with me. I won't confront the child directly about anything in a diary, though. Now this situation is more complicated because it is a step child, and because she has been severely traumatized and you are extremely concerned about her. I would definitely take it seriously and share with a counselor. Based on this child's history, you have every reason to be concerned that her words might be more than idle threats. Especially the part about how you said she has not grieved.... This child may very well be significantly disturbed, and you need professional help to deal with her. Maybe in her case she even needs more privacy than the average child...but since you have the information, deal with a counselor you trust!

    Answer by BJoan at 9:10 AM on Aug. 8, 2009

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