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What to do when my tween daughter walks in on me and my boyfriend....

okay this was like 4 months ago but i can tell she is still uncomfortable about it.
Okay my Fiance and I were conceiveing our third child(little did we know) and my daughter walked in. there is no lock on our door so we knew this might happen. we didnt notic she was there for like a whole minut and she was in tears because she still wants me to get back together with her dad. Now that boyfriend is out of the picture since I have been pregnant. we have already had the talk so i just dont know what to say to her. please help. I know, she is a little controlling like she crys if I say the h- word or even have one drink but that is rare so what should I say to her. we already talked about this~

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Asked by momyof3girls at 1:06 PM on Aug. 6, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (11)
  • She cries if you say what word?? As for what you can do you've said you have already talked to her that's about all you can do. I'd be uncomfortable if I ever walked in on my parents doing anything remotely related to sex. But i'd let it go. As for her crying when you say certain words or have one drink thats a bit much. Why does it bother her if you have a drink? Anyone in your family alcoholics? Or anything happened to her that involved someone drinking?

    Answer by KalebsMommee at 1:08 PM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • I'm alittle confused are you asking how to explain to her why you aren't getting back with her father or how to explain to her what you were doing with your boyfriend?

    How old is she to begin with?

    Answer by usmc0351wife at 1:09 PM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • Ok, hindsight is 20/20, but if you knew it would happen why weren't you more careful? And you are having his 3rd child, you are unmarried and have already broken up before the baby is born? Your daughter is at a very impressionalbe age, I mean, really! What are you thinking?

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:10 PM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • this is the person who asked this question. her dad cussed all the time and her stepmom is an alcaholic. so thats why she acts like this

    Answer by momyof3girls at 1:18 PM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • Oh ok.. I can understand why she gets upset with you drinking then. You just really have to explain to her that you aren't going to be like her stepmother , and having 1 drink is fine as an adult. Poor girl:(

    Also with that said, for the person who said something about her being unmarried with kids.. people don't have to get married just because they have kids with someone regardless of how many kids. So that really isn't the concern here. Also things happen, many many kids have walked in on their parents even when the parents are being "careful" so what they're not supposed to have sex because their kid might walk in on them? That will kill a relationship!

    Answer by KalebsMommee at 1:25 PM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • Wanted to add as well but ran out of space..

    She seems to be really sensitive, have you tried taking her out for a nice dinner or something just you two alone and talking to her about what happened? Maybe ask her why it made her uncomfortable. Also explain to her that things happened between her father and you and sometimes it's best if parents aren't together.

    Answer by KalebsMommee at 1:26 PM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • Have you addressed the issue of premarital sex with her?

    Answer by rkoloms at 3:24 PM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • I've seen almost this exact senerio. You may need some outsidee help with this. She has several things bothering her that she's probably too young to understand. Your lifestyle, I hate to say, is part of it. All of this is too much drama for any child younger than an adult to deal with. There are several issues here, which I could give some advise on how my husband and I delt with it but I don't know if there is enough space. I feel for you- you have a mess here. I'm glad to see that you recognizemit though and want to do something about it. First deal with the fact that you and her daddy aren't getting back together. Talk to her - more than once. Make her comfortable talking to you anytime it's bothering her but nicely push towards her getting over that hurdle. Open communication with your children solves a lot in the course of raising them.

    Answer by Traxx at 3:33 PM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • Deal with each thing quickly but seperatly. Too much drama is an overload to a brain that cannot understand these situations. Make her see that she can talk to you about anything- and follow through. If you don't things will get bottled up untill it's too hard to correct. Using age appropriate guidelines, you need to attempt to explain things seen and heard, etc. This is tough but serious. If I was you I would try something you feel is good advise, see if it helps, then ask for help again as you tackle the next subject. Run it like a list of to do's for your child's mental wellbeing. My heart goes out.

    Answer by Traxx at 3:39 PM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • how old are you anyway? Be a more responsible adult. set good example to your children. how do you expect a child to act accordingly if the adult she lives with could not act responsibly. think about that. Your question should not be how you should handle your child... your question should be HOW CAN YOU CHANGE AND BE A BETTER PERSON.

    Answer by capricorn07 at 2:36 PM on Aug. 7, 2009

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