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so weve finally had our prayers answerd my friend ended up prego after a 1 nite stand and after thinking about abortion she decited that she would have the baby and give it 2us. im new 2the adoption process and dont know how to go about it. she told me she would jst sighn her rites away and that be that but i dont know if that can be done or how. i would like 2b on the birth certificate and weve already talked about expenses in which she wants none. can she jst sighn over her rites or do we go threw and angency or what? if some1 could give me some advice and point me in the right direction that would be helpful and i would be grateful. women dont give up on ur journey to adoption and always tell ppl because word of mouth goes along way!!!!

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Asked by milove at 3:56 PM on Aug. 6, 2009 in Adoption

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Answers (21)
  • I would see about getting a free consultation from an attorney that specializes in adoptions. Since it is a legal matter!

    Answer by Rebecca727 at 4:44 PM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • wow. just wow. how could you imgaine god would answer YOUR prayer by making your friend pregnant? just wow.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:30 PM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • If she knows who the one night stand was with then he has to volunteer to give up his parental rights too!

    Two people have parental rights to a child (the biological mother and father) and both must be legally willing to relinquish their rights in order for an adoption to take place.

    This may not be the way she wanted to bring a child into the world but this child didn't have a say in that and dismissing the paternal rights without notifying or exploring his wishes may be doing a great disservice to this child.

    Legally, even if she won't identify the father - there will be a process and time delay in adoption proceedings to provide a father to make his wishes known.

    A great percentage of adoptees are reunited with their birth parents (or in open adoption have access to them) - are you and your friend willing to help this child locate his/her birth father if that is their wish to do so?

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 5:48 PM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • And if the father is found, and didn't have a say in the decision to give up his rights it could be a very tough road for everyone.

    I encourage you to dig in and read up on everything you can find - not just the how to adopt, but how things play out post-adoption (for all triad members: adoptees, adoptive family, and birth family).

    I know that you have dreamed of this but please go in with your eyes wide open to the lifetime journey that adoption is. Parenting (or being parented) in adoption IS different than parenting biological children - not better or worse, just different. Adoptive parents are committed to ensuring that they are as best prepared as possible and for many the journey takes much longer than the timeframe you are looking at.

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 5:52 PM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • I'm with anom up there.How lucky you are for God to bring your"friend" pain,confusion, panic as indicatedby her consideration of abortion , all for you.And as many birthmother here say though they are peacefull about their decision it's not like one they would ever want again.Take the blinders off and try to be the type of friend sheis to you to her.She may be happy with her decision but I'm sure this is not the turn she wanted in her life now.I also would be prepared that she may change her mind at any time...willyou still be her friend if she does decide to parent?Be prepared and considerate.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:02 PM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • We are also trying to adopt. You would think that it would be really easy to just have your friend sign her rights over to you, but the law sees the bond between parents and children as such a precious inalienable right (to the child) that it actually takes quite a bit to sever it. As far as the legal aspect is concerned, you could go thru a private attorney instead of an agency, one who deals with adoptions frequently, and you'll have to have a home study done. They'll do a background check on your & your husband & inspect your house. I know you are excited, and the prospect of this child being in your life is very wonderful, but just as your friend has already changed her mind from abortion to adoption, she may also at a later time give thoughts to keeping the baby. If she does, you should really support her in doing this.

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 9:24 PM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • Why do you want to be on the birth certificate? You didn't give birth!


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:29 PM on Aug. 6, 2009

  • It's a birth certificate all the same! It lists the mother who gave birth and the father. Not the woman who adopted him or her. BIRTH CERTIFICATE. And just because it was given a different name where you live does not change what it is.

    The baby deserves to have his or her birth certificate with the actual mother and father listed, not some forgery which claims some stranger gave birth to him or her.

    And she is not the mother. She would be the mom. Big difference.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:12 AM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • I agree with bits from a lot of you.the first two anoms,P.angeles ,doodle,AAK though some are a bit harsh the O.P. should consider allof them.They all reflect what feelings and emotions will probably be felt and hopefully worked on with proffesional help before the adoptio takes place.Seldom is the path to adoption a straight happy path for the natural mom.Feel a bit of sympathy to the first two anoms because there is a bit of blase attitude about her friend and the 1 nght stand comment doesn't hit me right either.Though I really wish the best for all of them.Get counsling now for the mother there are only 8 or less months for a lot of work..

    Answer by drfink at 4:15 AM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • You have to check the laws in your state. Some states allow direct placement and its very simple. Other states require an agency and or lawyer to get involved. I would look into a quad A lawyer to ask the questions. This might sound harsh but plese be careful and remember she can change her mind at any given time and being a friend of yours might put a strain on things .
    As for the birth cert. As soon as the adoption is final you will be issued a new amended birth cert that lists you and your husband as the mom and dad. The original one will be sealed. We have two open adoptions and both our children's birth certs have us listed as father and mother.

    Answer by AmyJo34 at 11:57 AM on Aug. 7, 2009

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