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How do I convince my daughter to hold on to her virginity at least until she's 18 or older when most of the children in her school are active even at the age of 14?

My virgin 17 year old daughter is dating a 19 year old young man college student. It's not that I see anything bad about this young man for he is very cordial,well mannered with a very nice personality. My concerned is that my daughter started asking about getting a pills since she met this boy. She told me that they are not serious and just having a bit of fun. It's a bit shocking for me to know that she talked about losing a virginity not being a big deal anymore. I'm hoping to convince her to wait at least another year before they do it. Besides, this young man is heading back to an out of state university by the end of this month. How do I convince her to hold on and wait? Any suggestion. Thanks.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:37 AM on Aug. 7, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (16)
  • you cant really stop her...My mom sure didnt stop me. But go ahead and help her protect herself.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:51 AM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • First thing first, her asking about birth control pills is a mature thing. Keep this in mind: she IS trying to be safe.
    As for convincing her, I'm not sure you can. It will be a personal choice on her end. In my state, 17 is the legal age to consent to sex. I recommend gently expressing your concerns to her. Let her know you would like for her to wait. Get her the pills but stress the fact that birth control pills are NOT 100% protection and she should also use condoms if she does make the choice to have sex.
    It's rough but she will do it eventually. All you can do is talk to her and help her be safe.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:52 AM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • You could try by talking it through with her - how does she imagine her first encounter? Sex isn't always so simple - even when you are just talking about the physical aspects, it takes 2 committed trustworthy people to make it 'good'. Also, is this really what she wants as her future memory of how she lost her virginity? How will she look back upon this when she is older and meets Mr. Right? How does she imagine how he will talk about her - she'll probably just be the girl who's virginity he ended?

    Assuming neither you nor her are thinking abstinence til marriage is realistic, you should stress to her that sex should be part of a committed relationship with a future - what is the point of losing your virginity to a guy who is going off to college and will probably be with another girl in a few months? Save it for the guy who she is pretty sure will be there for her in a week, a month, a year...



    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:07 AM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • Go today and buy her a copy of EVERY YOUNG WOMAN'S BATTLE by Shannon Etheridge and Stephen Arteburn. Read it with her. It is written by a young woman who was sexually promiscuous and now regrets it. It's actually an encouragement to remain a virgin until marriage, which is what I wanted for my daughter(and she achieved). This book tells how many sexually transmitted diseases there are today, many of them unknown until fairly recently, and how many of them are not even noticeable until after fertility has been permanently lost. It also outlines the physical, emotional, and psychological damage that is done by giving oneself sexually outside the confines of marriage. There are guides to character assessment, how to know real love, suggestions from staying out of harm's way, and ways to protect the mind from thinking about sex to the exclusion of the things that really matter. There's a companion book for young men, too.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 7:57 AM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • Please have the banana and condom talk with her; the pill will make her more suseptible to many STDs...
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 11:15 AM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • If she's confident enough to have sex than she should be confident enough to ask her BF to get tested for STDs together. The process will show her the reality of sexual consequences and make it less of a nonchalant decision.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:42 AM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • You can't honestly. If she is going to have sex she is going to do it. I would be proud she made it to 17 and still a virgin. I lost my virginity at 17 too and the guy was 21. It was only after dating for 2 weeks but we have been married now for 4 years (well in October it will be). At least she is being open with you and wanting to protect herself.
    purpleducky

    Answer by purpleducky at 11:55 AM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • She's seventeen and this is her decision. Any attempts to force her one way or another will backfire.

    She is being responsible and taking ownership by asking you to help her get the pill.

    I would take her to Planned Parenthood and have a professional discuss her options with her. Advise that your daughter get the "generic" brand (much cheaper...I get my "generic" brand of Ortho Tri-Cyclen for just $9 a pack!) and have her pay for her own pills. Have the professional talk to her about yearly pelvic exams and STD tests. This is a lesson in growing up and being responsible for one's health.

    You already said that the boyfriend has a good character and is a good person.

    One question I have for you is this: what would be accomplished by her having sex at 18 instead of sex at 17? I don't really see the difference.
    Mousuke

    Answer by Mousuke at 2:25 PM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • my opinion is that you should make it an issue about the relationship and NOT age. Really, waiting one more year to her at age 17 won't make even a little bit of sense. Instead, tell her to wait and make him wait to make sure that they're both serious about it. Emphasize the fact that you can only lose your virginity ONCE, and she needs to be sure that he's the one. If she insists that they are serious, and she doesn't seem keen on waiting, then be grateful that she confided in you and get her the pills anyway. After she has birth control, she needs to know that condoms are still extremely important!!!
    laadeedah

    Answer by laadeedah at 2:51 PM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • I agree with the other woman. You can't make her wait just inform her on how to make the best choice for her. If she still is a virgin at 17 she has been listening to you! Kuddos. As for getting her on the pill, do it go with her be her support, just because she is on it doesn't mean she is going to run out and do it, just means she is thinking about it and wants to be protected first. If you keep the communication between you and her open you will know when she has had sex, and if she has doubts or questions she may turn to you if you let her make her choices. Just keep telling her how proud she makes you and what a wonderful young woman she is becoming help look forward to her future and that will keep her focused to make good decisions. Good luck!
    Rfoxxracing

    Answer by Rfoxxracing at 3:05 PM on Aug. 7, 2009

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