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Posted in relationships, but didn't get any responces. Advice?

I'm not interested in sex and it just so happens that without it, I find it really hard to be loving and nice. The past two months my husband and I have let things go. We've finally gotten a good routine with keeping the house picked up, but I know the main issue is that after I had my miscarriage in June he reacted the wrong way and hurt me pretty bad. He's apologized over and over but now I'm left uninterested in sex. We're at the point in our relationship where he never tries to hold my hips or grab my butt because he's too busy cleaning or doing something else.

He used to (when I say used to I mean just a couple months ago) always do things throughout the day and then by the time he tried to have sex with me, or if I tried with him, I'd really want to. I keep complaining to him and it just hurts his manhood and hasn't really seemed to help. I've been trying to get him to notice me, but all he'll do is say I look nice.

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ours

Asked by ours at 2:00 AM on Aug. 7, 2009 in Pregnancy

Level 13 (949 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • I'm no dog of a girl and I know how to be sexy. What are we doing wrong? Why isn't he trying harder to get me in the mood? I feel like I bitch about it more than he does. It's embarrassing. :[
    ours

    Answer by ours at 2:01 AM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • i had this problem after my second miscarriage, i was always wanting sex he didn't come to find out, he was afraid i'd get pregnant again and have to go through another m/c. so it may be something along those lines. if its all been since the m/c it probably centers somewhere around that and whatever happened between you two during and after it. these things either make couples stronger or tear them apart. you both have to work together to work on making you guys stronger. are you guys ready to have kids? do you both want kids now? if so maybe one night approach the topic with him and it can be lead slowly around to your intimacy issues. try to initiate sex yourself, be more loving to him throughout the day (a long slow kiss when he gets home, hugs, compliments etc..) and he'll soon start to do the same things.
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 2:04 AM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • The thing is, I don't want to at all. Maybe if he loved up to me and kissed me, I'd be up for it, but he doesn't really do anything. He's not scared of getting me pregnant, I started birth control the day my period came back.

    He just doesn't seem as interested in me and it scares me because I think I feel the same way. I still dress up, look cute for him and take care of myself but like I said, all I get is a "you look pretty" and a smile.
    ours

    Answer by ours at 2:10 AM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • He loves me, but there really isn't anything sexual about it. I'm to the point where I don't want any more back rubs because they remind me of all the sex that I'm not getting. I have parts that he's supposed to touch, but he's just going to rub my back every night?
    ours

    Answer by ours at 2:12 AM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • I've been married for 31 years and have been in ups and downs.You state that you are not so interested in sex because he hurt you'Well I think you both are a part of this division.We had a simular situation.We wound up in couples therapy it was great.At first we wouldn't talk about the issues away from therapy because we would both flare.It was great to say what I needed to without worring was i going to hurt him or start a fight.Also neither one of us were really hearing what the other said,we had our own interpratations.The therapist must have said a 100 times to one or the other"no, that is not what I heard saidwhat Ithink was being said was...'that so helped and we began to hear each other properly.I had my pain,hurt understood,he felt less likewe were at odds.I felt closer and he felt that and that resolved the sexual issues.In total we have had couples therapy 3 times but we didn't wait we jumped on the probs early on.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:20 AM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • the best thing to do is sit down and have a heart to heart with him. maybe pull him to the comp and let him read this if thats easier....
    Dom123123

    Answer by Dom123123 at 2:21 AM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • cont.and we are thriller to be together so long.We get copliments on our good marriage and that we had it lucky-ha what we had was work and effort.It is worth it.You two can work through this,you may need a bit of help because that area misscarriage is a minefield.Good luck
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:26 AM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • It'll hurt his feelings more, I know it. At this point I'm just trying to pretend like we're starting over and trying not to stress about it. Obviously I still am though...I'm bi polar and when I'm "up" I'm probably the nicest, most loving people out there and it I don't feel comfortable enough to let that out, it just seems to happen less and less so I'm left with feeling "down" more often.

    I feel like we're just stuck like this and I can't get anything done or focus. I just keep thinking about it.
    ours

    Answer by ours at 2:29 AM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • What did you mean by "he reacted the wrong way" after your M/C? How did he react? Also, how long have you been married, if you don't mind me asking.
    Heidi70

    Answer by Heidi70 at 2:30 AM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • I've been with my husband for over four years, married about a year and a half. He didn't talk about it, then since he was so upset he told me everything that was wrong with me and what a bad person I was. He put me down for about two days straight to the point where I had to stay at my mom's and told him that if I was so bad, that's fine but to at least give the miscarriage a week before putting me down. I told him that he was going to make me hate him if he didn't stop and finally he did. We got through it and I found out that's the only way that he could think to let out his emotions and he was exaggerating everything. He felt really bad.

    It actually helped our relationship at first because I was extra nice, making sure that I said sorry after messing up, and letting more things go. Well after a couple weeks went by and I wasn't getting anything in return and he was just taking advantage, I stopped. Now we're here.
    ours

    Answer by ours at 2:34 AM on Aug. 7, 2009

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