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I Dont Know How To Step Parent

well i had two kids when i was still in high school witch was a bad choice but now im almost 18 and im graduating next year! and me and my boyfriend decided that after we graduated we would get married.but he has a kid too and she hates me!i dont know what im doing wrong!shes so sweet when hes around but then she turns into this mean little girl!is it becuase im takeing her moms place or something.becuase i thought that since i could manage a son at 14 i could handel a step kid.but i cant!i dont know what to do becuase i love her to death!help!and shes 7 but shes mean to me and i cant tell my boyfriend that his little girl. and when shes not being mean to me she sticks to him like glue!but i seriously have no ideal what im doing!

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JessiAndMyAnty

Asked by JessiAndMyAnty at 2:10 AM on Aug. 7, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • make her want you instead! do not be so available to her, make her miss your cooking? time? money ? hope not money! make her jealous of another little girl ?lol
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:23 AM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • catch her on film beign a brat & shoe it to dad!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:00 AM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • don't add more drama to her life or your own children's
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:25 AM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • Its hard. I've been a step mom for 6 years now. Its not easy. They usually like me but their mom hates me and my husband. She talks bad about us and its rubbing of on the kids. As they're getting older they absolutely ignore me! My oldest is 5 so its really driving me nuts bc I don't want him seeing his brothers disrespect me-he looks up to them!
    Ignoring her or video taping her is childish. Treat her fairly and do the best you can. If mine ignore me when I tell them to do something I take a privilage away. I'm VERY strict in that way. Recently, my younger step son was asked to wait in the car for less than a minute while I got out to talk to his grandma. He jumped out and ran into their house to get a coke. I told him to get in the car, took the coke (I told him to wait for us to be home in 5 minutes), and banned him from video games. Luckily my husband backs me up.
    Good luck though and I'm open to advice too
    LaraJKB

    Answer by LaraJKB at 12:05 PM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • In your other question, it sounds like she is at least starting to like you right? It takes time and it is a big transition, so be patient. Set your boundaries and when dad isn't around make sure they are still kept.

    Boudaries...

    If you hit me, you can't be around me
    If you scream at me, you can't be around me
    If you call me names, you can't be around me

    Now with that, you set a place for her to go to calm down and teach her how to treat you.

    When you are mad at me, you may say "I am mad at you for doing......" but you speak it, don't scream it.

    When you are frustrated say, "I am frustrated because....." but you speak it, don't scream it.

    Believe it or not, my stepson, within a week was able to come to me and say, "I am mad, you....." at which point I was able to calmly respond and explain WHY I did what I did. Now, he talks to me more than to his mom and dad.
    Petie

    Answer by Petie at 6:52 PM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • First I want to say that being a stepparent is one of the hardest jobs in the world. Next is you said that you think it might be because you are taking her mom's place. That's something you need to get out of her head. You are not replacing her mom. Your just an extra bonus one. My oldest son (who is my stepson) had a problem with me during the first two years that me and hubby were together. He actually used to tell his dad that I would beat him while his dad was gone. Lucky for me we talked a lot about what was going on with our oldest. It took a lot of time and a lot of patience but now we are a working family and he knows that 1. I'm not replacing him mom but he has 2 moms. 2. I'm not somebody he can walk all over 3. that I love him no matter what.
    Don't let it get to you and stand your ground. Make sure that your bf and you talk about everthing and he knows what's going on and he's willing to back you up. GL
    Juggalette0327

    Answer by Juggalette0327 at 7:00 PM on Aug. 7, 2009

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