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What can I do to heal the wounds from a sexual assault after four years?

I was drugged with GHB and raped 4 years ago while I was in school and living in NY. I basically bottled everything up inside and just tried to forget about it. I was hospitalized for 13 days and therefore kicked out of school. I never reported it to the police and just moved back home. I'm back in school, first time since, and the floodgates have broke open. I keep having flashbacks and the nightmares and its really starting to affect me in school and in my personal life. I never told anyone about it except my for husband which was almost a year after the incident. I haven't really brought it up since then so now he doesn't understand how it could bother me so bad 4 years later. Its not his fault, he just doesnt understand. I never even cried about it until now and am feeling incredibly sad and hopeless. Believe me, this has NOTHING to do with getting attention hence the fact that I've never told anyone else about it.

 
YoungTwinMommy

Asked by YoungTwinMommy at 11:00 AM on Aug. 7, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (6)
  • I agree admckenzie..i had forgotten that step lol. I held onto my anger and hurt cause I felt like letting go would mean I was ok-ing or accepting what happened. It doesnt mean you are saying it is ok..forgiveness really does heal the victim. For me it allowed me to release the death grip I had on anger, hurt and fear...allowing me to embrace my life again. It was very freeing. I also had to realize that i hadn't done anything to cause it..it wasnt an act AT ME..it was way more about the attacker than the victim. They steal something from you and leave fear and hurt in its place. Get tired of it..stand up and demand it back. They may have taken something that night...but dont give them the power to steal your happiness, your potential, your future...TAKE IT BACK BABY! You can be whole again!
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 11:31 AM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • what u need is therpy...not medicated at least not yet but therpy someone who speacializes in trama...i was a abuse victim for 10 yrs it took a really good therpist to make me stop blaming myself about what happened to me if u need to talk message me
    rainmommy

    Answer by rainmommy at 11:04 AM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • yes a goo counselor is private so know one has to know and they can help you deal with your feelings. what you are describing is very normal after something like this. The flashbacks and fears are from post-tramatic stress. It can happen after a car wreck or anything else tramatic. It can be helped by a counselor and you will feel so much better knowing you can share your thoughts. many times they are worse when you try to hold them all in. Just keep talkin. I can see how your husband doesnt know why it bothers you, and he doesnt know how to help either. Their is no shame in seeking a professional for the answers you need!!!
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 11:11 AM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • In 2005 I decided to forgive my assaulter from 35 yrs prior. Yup, I said 35 yrs. I talked to a friend from high school and some how ended up telling him about it. I had kept it a secret until then. He was amazing and talked me in to forgiving the jerk who did it. I didn't want to but in the long run it was a release for me. I didn't do it for the guy who did it in college. I did it for ME. I'll never forget but the flash backs have lessened and I'm not obsessed with fear anymore. I'm actually enjoying life and the only thing I did was simply forgiving. It is fascinating on how freeing that simple act can be.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:22 AM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • My daughter went through a similar experience when she was 16yrs old and she went to a councelor that specialized in sexual assualted women trying to mend. You have to talk about it, bottling up anything is never the right road to take. You will always have flash backs but you have to deal with them as they come. Its like watching a movie you just have to wait till the ugly parts are over before you can breath. Let it pass and try not to rewind, I know easier said then done but you will see as time goes by that the flash backs are less and you learn to deal with them in a better way. Start a journal and write about the experience until you can't write about it anymore, its tough and you are not the one at fault that man took something from you and its not right nor fair. but you don't have to be haunted for the rest of your life by him and his actions, please don't give him that power if you ever need to chat send a pm =)
    Mommy2seven

    Answer by Mommy2seven at 11:36 AM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • I pray this gives you hope ,at 9 yrso,I was raped by -brother in law- now X- my mother lived /worked/ in a  diffrnt state & I was under a nanny's care -my dad died when I was 5- I hid this fr a long time, till the day I told my sister ,she took me to a doctor but results were inconclusive, so he got away with it & never charged, to all I was a  LIAR,my own mother used to invite him  for dinner,when she was home /10yrs ltr I mrrd , but my " nightmare" cntnd /so we dvrc - I knew I could not live like this ,& as hard as it was,I began to Forgive 1st my mom & whom ever else - it's the only way I could take CONTROL &  not let this S.O.B ruin my life!  I let GOD deal w/ him -  unfrtnly I never got counselng -  but I'm now a born again christian& there is always  HOPE

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:57 PM on Aug. 7, 2009