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How to get a child to dill with death

Hi I have a 12 year old that is very emosional after we lost both grandmother and need help on how to handle her. You say a little thing and she will take it to heart and start crying. I think it was because she never got to say goodbye to them before they passed but it has been alittle 2 years and she still does the same please help

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Asked by lovingmom15063 at 11:38 AM on Aug. 7, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (4)
  • Sounds like your 12 yo is having a hard time with closure. You can try having her write her grandmothers a letter and take it to the cemetary(if there is one). Did she go to the funeral etc? if not she may just be accepting how real it is either. You can also try just having her talk to you about why she is so upset. You can have her make a small box of things that remind her of her grandparents...a shoebox or whatever she can put a small toy or anything that reminds her of the good memories, not just missing them. Hope this helps...

    Answer by KEHMom at 11:44 AM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • I agree with the writing a letter and taking it to the cemetary and either burying it or have her write a "closure" letter to her grandmother, attach it to a balloon and let it go. Tell her it will make it's way to heaven. Also make it a huge point to stress how even though her grandmother is gone physically as long as she keeps her memory alive she will always be there for her. I was older (19) when my mother passed but it was very hard for me and those few things really helped me. Every now and then I will write out letters to my mom of things I want to tell her or things that happened that I knew she'd love to be around for and i'll take it to the cemetary alone and read it and either bury it or will put it on a balloon and send it up to her. My son has also done this he was only 2 at the time but even now at 4 it helps him quite a bit when he can write a letter to his mema.

    Answer by KalebsMommee at 12:32 PM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • I was around that age when a school mate died. I didn't know him well, but he was one of the kids that everyone knew and was well loved. It opens a whole can of worms for some people. For the longest time I had trouble sleeping and wouldn't go to bed unless I knew my mom was home and sleeping. Sometimes I'd cralw in bed with her and sleep with my hand on her back just so I'd know she was still breating.

    She might just need some cousiling or closure like tohers have said. She may also be a little freaked out still as thinking about it can remind that others might be dying soon too. Don't know if htat helps you any.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:41 PM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • She needs counseling to get over her grief. Two years is a long time to deal with her loss. Please get her in counseling. Ask the doctor or school counselor for a referral.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 12:57 PM on Aug. 7, 2009

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