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in desperate need of answers

My SO is 23 and we have one kid and another on the way. Lately he's been really moody and distant. Then he started going out more and more then stopped coming home sometimes. We started arguing about it and he says I was trying to control him and I was being more of a mom to him than his own mom was. So after one of his shows (musician) he didnt come home and wasnt planning to until the next nite (we'd spoken on the fone a couple times) I said if that's what your plans are, then DONT come home at all. He came back Monday afternoon (he left Sat evening) and said that "he could do better" and then started again with me being "controling". It's been a week since all that and he's been gone ever since and now he's trying to say that he didnt want to split but if that's true would'nt he have come home before now though? There are kids ainvolved and they dont need this. We tried therapy before does this sound fixable or not?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:04 PM on Aug. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • It sounds like you two are lacking on communication big time. Anything is fixable IF both partners are willing to put in 100% effort to do so. But you're right, the kids don't need to be involved in a household where there is constant fighting.
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 1:07 PM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • Sounds like you finally gave him the out he wanted. If he wanted to be with you he wouldnt be acting single. If I were you I would move on. Trust me...Men will fight for what they want. I am sorry to say that but I am sure deep down you know it too. GL
    heather.darin

    Answer by heather.darin at 1:08 PM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • when it comes to this kind of stuff, dont listen to his words, listen to his actions. If he means what he says he will back it up, and if not, then he's going to do what he IS doing. He'll regret it one day.
    gottalovemal

    Answer by gottalovemal at 1:12 PM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • well yeah it sounds fixable but maybe you should listen to his complaints and learn to compromise. It sounds like your controlling nature is pushing him away. Learn to be more accepting of what he wants and needs for his lifestyle. Give and take. Adapt. Enmesh. Love him as is. Without marriage you have to depend on him wanting to come home bc he's not obligated to come back. Make him want to come back. Let him know he rocks in your eyes.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:13 PM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • He's young! My STBX husband is his age and he started doing me the same way. Not to worry you or anything, I'm sure you've already thought of this, but my ex was cheating on me. I was considering file a missing persons report when he took off all weekend with my car and would'nt answer the phone. Found him at the mistress' house.
    lmsar

    Answer by lmsar at 1:21 PM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • He's probably cheated on you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:36 PM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • Not.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 1:42 PM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • It sounds fixable, for sure, but you can't fix it all by yourself. He has to be willing to work on this too.

    Take a good look at yourself... ARE you trying to be controlling? Or do you just want him to come home at night?
    Cavalrybaby02

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 2:13 PM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • i would tell him str8 out you are not playing the back and fourth game hes not going to act this way when he wants to run around and then come crawling back when hes done either he wants this fixed too or you cant fix it by your self
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 1:40 AM on Aug. 8, 2009

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