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My brother is a loser.

I just turned 19 on Saturday. I've lived with my boyfriend for about 2 years, we've been dating for 4 1/2. We have a 5 month old baby girl, and completely support ourselves.
My brother on the otherhand, is 22, and still lives with my mom. I know that isn't THAT old to be living at home, but wow he is such a loser. He dropped out of highschool, only needing HALF a credit! He works part time at Quiznos. All he does is play guitar, video games, smoke weed, and listen to these stupid conspiracy theory radio stations online.
On top of that he is a total slob and won't help my mother, who is 49 and works 48 hours a week do SHIT. She does all the cleaning and cooking.
He wont give her money either. She lost her home after breaking up with her SO. Shes trying to get back on her feet.
I have to give her money all the time, and I go over to help her do chores because that is how lazy and stupid he is.
What can I do to..cont'd

Answer Question
 
BambiF

Asked by BambiF at 8:42 PM on Aug. 7, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 12 (738 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • cont'd--
    get her to crack the whip?
    I can't keep picking up his slack. I have my own family now to take care of. I don't have time, and I just don't want to have to go over there to fold my adult brothers underwear and basically wipe his ass because he's getting a free ride.
    BambiF

    Answer by BambiF at 8:44 PM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • Ugh and he doesn't even thank me when I do stuff for them. I go over and cook dinner for them (my little brother is there too, and is becoming just like older brother) and he just eats it and goes downstairs back to the computer, leaving his dirty plate on the table.
    BambiF

    Answer by BambiF at 8:46 PM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • I think it's time to show some tough love... Tell your mother either to start making him help out or tell him he needs to find a place of his own. If she doesn't then tell her you can't help him any more. Your little brother can come to your home and eat dinner. You don't need this stress in your life, and neither does your mother... I'm sorry you guys have to deal with this. He seriously needs to grow up. I was 12 years old cooking,and cleaning house.
    momma_marian

    Answer by momma_marian at 8:52 PM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • Does he have a mental illness that prevents him from comprehending what he is doing is wrong? The consipiacy theory thing has been more worried than anything else. Your mother needs to STOP doing things for him. She needs to give him a time limit for him to pay rent or move out and she needs to stick to it. He is going to keep taking advantage of your mother until SHE stops his behavior.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:53 PM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • I personally think its the weed doing it to a lot of young guys.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:42 AM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • The only thing you can do to help your mother help your brother is to quit helping your mother. Don't pick up the slack. Go about your life with your family and be a sounding board for your mom when she complains about your brother, but until she puts a stop to it, it will continue until your brother gets his act together.

    ...which, btw, he very well may get his act together on his own. I also have an older brother who stayed dependent on our parents way too long. He would get together with girls and move in with them only to get himself and her kicked out and then they'd both move in with my parents...a couple of those times there were kids involved. Our parents rent houses and he lived rent-free with a sorry wife for years. Finally he got a divorce and joined the Navy. Parents moved 10 hours away and, as soon as he got out of the military, he moved 3 miles away from them. Umm...maybe he didn't get his act together...
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 1:52 AM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • I hate to say it but unless your mom puts a stop to it...he won't change. I have a nephew that is 25 and won't work. He had a good job handed to him and he turned it down because he didn't feel like working right then. He goes between his mom's & his dad's. When one throws him out, he goes to the other. He does nothing around the house. I know it will be hard to turn your back on your mom but you could tell her that you refuse to help her unless she makes them help too. After all, you do not live there. She isn't helping them by doing it all. IF he does move out on his own someday (wishful thinking for you and your mom) he will need to be able to take care of himself.
    momoftwo152

    Answer by momoftwo152 at 4:06 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • I agree with everyone else that has said stop helping your mom. If your mom doesn't want to do anything about your brother then you shouldn't bother either. I know it's hard to sit back and watch but at some point you have to stop and say okay enough is enough. As long as your mom allows this to go on your brother is going to milk it. She needs to make him get up, get his GED or High school diploma, get a job and move out and most definately start helping her around the house.
    KalebsMommee

    Answer by KalebsMommee at 1:40 PM on Aug. 9, 2009

  • You may have to stop helping your mom quite so much....Maybe just do what you can for your younger brother. This is your mother's problem and honestly by helping so much, you may be hurting.
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 11:15 PM on Aug. 9, 2009

  • you don't HAVE to do anything. You choose to. Maybe mom doesn't want him leaving. Some moms hate being alone. Some like having someone to take care of. leave them alone and let them work out their own life. You deal with your's.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:49 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

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