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I am in love with my best friend

My best friend is a man and we have been friends for over 14 years. But the past two years we took our friendship and add sex into it. He was newly divorce and I was frest out of a very abusive unhealty realationship and when it started it was just our little serect. There is nothing I don't know about this man and that is the problem. He has committment issue but I want more. We are open we agreed that if either us decided to have sex with someone else we would tell each other and let that person decide it they want to keep it going. But I want more we are good together but he doesn't he says he is ready yet But we have been living loving and raise our kids together for the past year and it hard for me to see myself with another man. I am so confused

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:36 PM on Aug. 7, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Sex can change things. If he isn't ready to commit to you then I would stop the sex. You don't want 14 yrs to be a waste and turned into a buddy session.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:39 PM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • it sounds like a great situation to me. Living life is basically a risk and so is relationships. Invest what you want and for as long as you want. Embrace each minute you have with him bc some ppl never get what you seem to have. Don't ruin it by pushing for commitment. Just enjoy it. It sounds amazing.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:50 PM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • sex is a confusing thing..ya know the whole "sex-buddy" thing? i cant ever just have that...i get attacthed..and im sure its even harder if youve been best friends for 14 years!! wow..but hun if hes not ready for a commitment then pull back. you will get hurt:( and tell him EXACTLY how you feel. then see what happens.
    naturepeace

    Answer by naturepeace at 10:50 PM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • I would put things on hold for a while and get my head clear. Then I would go from there.
    kc932

    Answer by kc932 at 11:13 PM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • I agree, you want to keep your best friend. A best friend in marriage is wonderful. I would step back as well. The old saying if you love a butterfly let it go. If you step back, and say ok lets be friends like you want, but that means no sex. You can explain that sex to you is not casual, but it is his choice because you value his friendship above all. This way, you can keep his friendship. He might start to miss all the extra companionship your relationship now offers him, and realize he truly can have love and friendship together. If not, you still have your friend. This way you won't get hurt more in the future by losing a lover and a friend.
    moneymagnetmom

    Answer by moneymagnetmom at 12:11 AM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • as long as he isnt having sex with anyone else i see no reason to push the commitment issue i mean maybe he knows he has tht issue and riight now he feels free to do what ever he wants even if doing what ever he wants means only being with you and if u put a title on it it could ruin things if he is having sex with other ppl you should stop now it will hurt but its gonna hurt more the longer you let it go
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 12:51 AM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • its time for you to step back and let this man out of your life...I know its hard to let go of someone but look at it this way, he's being direct that he doesnt want a serious relationship with you but you're living like you are. In your heart, you're giving all of yourself to him but he's not. Why put yourself in that type of position? Why allow the chidren to get close to a man that has made it clear that this is not a committed relationship?

    When you begin incorporating your children in a relationship that you know the rules from the start (not going anywhere) you run the risk of not only hurting yourself but your children as well...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 3:11 AM on Aug. 8, 2009

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