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Eldercare question: please come inside.

Ok, here is the deal. I have an elderly family member taking care of her family member. (Bea and Dee.) Bea is unable to take care of Dee anymore. Dee keeps falling, forgetting to take her medicine and eat. She is diabetic. Bea is her "caregiver". She drives Dee places and does the shopping and cleaning. Bea is old. She cannot physically do this any more. She doesn't WANT to do this any more.
I am not "related by blood". This woman's children are not doing anything to help. They ignore everything that is going on. (Because Bea always says things are fine.)
Bea really doesn't want Dee to go into a nursing home and Dee will not go.
What are the options available, how do we as a family approach this? It has become a problem for them. HELP...


Asked by Anonymous at 11:11 PM on Aug. 7, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • There are aides that can come in and cook, clean and remind Dee to take her meds. They can also send nurses to put meds in their boxes (the daily pill holder) and can even give the meds. My grandmother was terrified of a nursing home, my mother and I did our best to keep her out. She had an aid 3 days a week (could get more if necessary) a nurse twice a week check glucose, bp etc. They also got Meals on Wheels at lunch each day. My grandparents were on medicare, we went through our Department of Social Services (that's what it's called here in our area). There are things that can help, you just have to contact the right people.


    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 11:35 PM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • U can get government help and arrange a home health aide to come and take care of dee.

    Answer by kirsty_mcgrail at 11:15 PM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • you can call the dept of health and senior sevices and they can evaluate her and maybe place her in an full care facility(not against her will unless she is found to be unsound of mind in which case turned over to the state unless family member steps up.) , homecare is an option,and there are assisted living apts as well, or she can have herself put herself in a home. thats pretty much it unless she is very wealthy and can afford private care nurses.

    Answer by hypersquirrel at 11:20 PM on Aug. 7, 2009

  • I dont know what state they are living at. In New York City, there are a lot of options. If they have Medicaid, they can apply for a home attendant. Medicare alone does not pay for home care. If she has assets, they can pay privately for these services and if it runs out, then appy for government assistant. I am a geriatric social worker and can answer your questions, let me know.

    Answer by Yve538 at 12:05 AM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • Maybe you or someone you know can help out more often. It depends on their ability to pay (insurance or not) as far as homecare goes, and I don't think that the elderly should be forced to go into a nursing home if they don't want to go there. Their health (mental and physical) only declines as they get depressed, because getting old is hard enough. It's very frustrating because you cannot do all the things you did while you were able, and relying on someone to care for you is hard, when you did a good job in your younger life, on your own. It's sad that there's no family to care for her, that why I'm saying if you care about her, maybe there's something you can do if they cannot afford home care

    Answer by mumma28 at 12:46 AM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • They won't allow us to really do anything for them. No cleaning or cooking or meds or anything. It is very frustrating.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:59 AM on Aug. 8, 2009

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