The pros and cons of spanking..

I am on the fence and i am totally confusing my child.. one day i will spank him and then the next i try time out.. when i spank him he holds his bottom and says "hurts momma, hurts" and it makes me feel aweful.. i don't want to hurt him, but i don't want him to run all over me either.. and also with the spanking thing, he smacks at other children and points his finger at them and says "NO", so you know of course where he gets that from, ME.. How can I spank him and tell him no hitting other children, when i'm hitting him and causing him pain.. I also heard somewhere that by spanking your child you are teaching them bad sexual habits, like they will grow up to be a wife beater because the person who they loved and trusted hit them.. or a rapist cause thats how they express their love by causing the people they love pain.. weird i know, but it does make you think.. doesn't it? anyhoo, suggestions please on how to disipline

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:20 AM on Aug. 8, 2009 in General Parenting

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ive heard people say thats what can happen but I think its bs but as for me I will take away things as punishment for certain things but if they do something dangerous to themselves or others or if they do something that I have warned against a few times thats when they get popped- and to tel u the truth- it works...for me- kids aren't something u can just group together in a one size fits all type of thing- u have to see what works for ur child urself- the best thing to do is to educate urself on all different types of disciplinary tools and try them all out to see which works best and sometimes it will be a combination of them- a punishment that fits the crime almost- like running in the street gets a spanking while jumping on the bed gets a time out and throwing a toy gets the toy taken- u know wut I meam? good luck in ur search!

Answer by lovelyli217 at 3:04 AM on Aug. 8, 2009
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continue to pop him or he will continue to run allll over u!

Answer by Anonymous at 12:22 AM on Aug. 8, 2009

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I am smart enough to parent without spanking or time outs and have well behaved kids. For a good first book read Without Spanking or Spoiling by Elizabeth Crary.

Answer by GailllAZ at 12:26 AM on Aug. 8, 2009
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wow.. ummm NO!
i don't think it'll go that far.. first you feel uncomfortable spanking so don't do it!
i will warn them willy do you want a time out? i always offer that first.. they know what that means and will either self calm or will need a time out. but when i spank it usually for something more out of rage like running away from me and headed into the street you bet i'll run after him and spank him one... each sceniario should be evaluated differently.. obviously he's picking up on it so i would say stop find something else that works a star chart a jar money cookies whatever just don't spank... you'll feel less guilty at the end of the day. good luck hope this helps

Answer by mirit.rose at 12:28 AM on Aug. 8, 2009
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I think it goes overboard to say that if you hit your child you will teach him bad sexual habits, of course, I also think it goes overboard to say that if you don't hit your child that he'll walk all over you.

I don't spank. I can't do it. Hitting, for me, is always done in anger and I don't want to be angry with my children. Every time I've hit him I've felt very, very guilty afterwards.

What I do is a combination of a few things. First, I try to catch them being good. When I see them behaving in an appropriate way I tell them. A lot of times kids are acting up it's because they want attention. They don't care if it's positive or negative so I try to give them more attention for doing what I want them to do. Second, I tell them what I want them to do rather than what I don't want them to do. People respond better to do's than don'ts. Finally I discipline by removal. Either the thing they wanted or them.

Answer by Myantek at 12:32 AM on Aug. 8, 2009
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It is amazing how getting eye level w/ a child and talking to them calmly really works. i'm not against spankers. People do what works. However, I do believe that if you spank your child and it doesn't help or they are crazy, wild kids that are always getting in trouble and you spank... then STOP!! I know parents that spank and it works. Wonderful kids that behave. I know some that spank and spank and spank and they have the craziest kids EVER! I don't spank. I explain. I get down to their level and use examples and a calm understanding voice. Kids don't know! They are trying new things, exploring and being curious. it's our job to explain to them the whys hows and whens! If you have to get mean, do it by letting him know he is making you go into "mean mommy mode" and you will take everything he has away until he knows how to act like a big kid. I've even told mine to at least pretend to behave.. they do it. lol

Answer by mistyDaze76 at 12:33 AM on Aug. 8, 2009
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continue to pop him or he will continue to run allll over u!

I agree! Some kids need spanked if you need some help there are groups for spanking on here!

Answer by Anonymous at 12:39 AM on Aug. 8, 2009

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here are the words .... "something will happen".... when your little one has an issue make this statement... you child knows the cause and effect... you hit, it hurts... so give him other opportunities to learn the cause and effect, this statement will also give you time to spank if you choose to without anger or injury .... I do spank but if and when I do it is very controlled .... "I told you something would happen when you ______" the time out, spanking, extra chore ... what ever your "something" is will help him remember cause and effect... be very quick to see all the good little things he does and praise him for them, this helps when you also must give consequence... this has worked for some of our kids that are behavioral/emotionally challenged.... think outside the box, what works for one may not be right for your child's personality ....

Answer by BlessingsBegin at 12:40 AM on Aug. 8, 2009
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Also, Parenting with Love & Logic is a great book, also sub-divided by ages. It gives kids the power to choose the consequences of their behavior, without spanking. It has worked wonders with our 2 y/o FS, and we CAN'T spank our foster children. Find an alternative that works. All of life is trial & error, and you are trying to figure out what will work for you. Good luck!

Answer by doodlebopfan at 12:46 AM on Aug. 8, 2009
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You didn't say how old your child is-that might make a difference. I personally don't spank-I don't feel it is necessary. I have smacked a hand or two. I use time-outs and the "one, two three" thing which works well for my son. I think whatever you choose to do, you need to be consistent. You also have to be comfortable with it or he will pick up on that too. Be as calm as you can-remain in control. It's emotionally hard to discipline a child, but it's needed to help them grow up knowing right from wrong. Good luck.

Answer by connorsmom1970 at 2:22 AM on Aug. 8, 2009
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