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How do you know your ready to have children?

My husband and I are newly married. We've been together for a little over two years. I never understood the saying "Enjoy married life before having children". I thought married life was suppose to be the time where you settle down and have already enjoyed "your alone" time. I'm ready! I want to start right away! My husband thinks we should wait a year or so. We both agree our main concern about having children now is the financial responsibility of having a child. My question is: How do you know your ready, both finanically and mentally?
Some say there is never a "good" time to have children, is that true? Is it worth waiting or should we enjoy life as early as possible and worry about finances as they come along?
I'm torn. I want to be a mom so bad but I want to give my children the best life possible. Will waiting provide a better life?

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KKgruber

Asked by KKgruber at 3:04 AM on Aug. 8, 2009 in Money & Work

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Answers (7)
  • Ugh! This is a really hard question. This is my opinion so take it how you want.

    Unless you win the lottery or get a huge inheritance I don't think anybody is financially ready for a child as something always comes up-you could pay off your student loans, buy a house/pay off your house, you could go on a trip etc...There is always something!

    I had a child when I was young and it definitely could've waited, not that I would take it back, but I would have liked to enjoy my early 20's without a child!

    I don't think a year is all that long to wait, but this is your decision:) Good luck!!
    theutilitarian

    Answer by theutilitarian at 3:22 AM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • Seriously, you're pretty much never "ready" to have kids! No matter how "ready" you think you are. You just have to go ahead and do it! The big thing is if there is anything big that you want to do that would be alot harder with kids, you better get that out of the way first! If he only wants to wait a year, why not? Enjoy a little more time together! Unless, you're getting up there in age, like later 30's, I wouldn't rush it!
    xraydri

    Answer by xraydri at 5:41 AM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • You're never ready to have kids. However, divorce is most common in couples who have been married less than 5 years. I had my first child when I was 19, and my second when I was 20. I LOVE my kids, but I would have liked to have been independent & gone to college & divorced my ex-husband after 4 years without having to worry about the effects on the kids.
    DrJChappell

    Answer by DrJChappell at 9:08 AM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • Well, you may not realize (because NO ONE DOES) that the old saying "One child takes ALL your time, what more can 4 or 5 do?" is really true...A child WILL take ALL your time for SOME time...Imagine being in the middle of cuddling with DH & the baby wakes up...EVERY TIME! for MONTHS! Imagine being in the shower and baby starts SCREAMING...and so on...LOL I LOVE being a mom, but it was waaaay hard to start.

    If you are not completely on the same page with your husband on ALL issues & have time to talk & negotiate, you can work it out...but if you have a child, you suddenly don't have time to talk, and & can cause BIG problems if your communication is not great. Is yours?

    Keep in mind that if your husband is the main breadwinner, YOU will be the one at home, & all the things you take for granted, like popping off to the store for something, or calling a friend to chat, will suddenly be more complicated & take longer.

    Good luck
    livewell

    Answer by livewell at 10:26 AM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • I have to disagree with the above posters. Just like you knew that you had found the man you wanted to share your life with, you will know when the time is right for a baby.

    Please, before trying to conceive, make sure that you are both on the same page regarding disclipline, religion, housework, finances, education, etc.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 11:08 AM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • I'm pregnant with our first and we waited until we were ready. And by ready, I mean financially, etc. Ready for our lives to be completely different? I don't think we'll ever be ready for that, but ready or not, it's about 2.5 weeks away. LOL! We've been married for 5 years. I was in the Navy when we got married and my husband was going to college. He had gotten out before me. So we wanted to wait until he graduated and got a job. That way we wouldn't have to pay for day care and when I got out he would be working. I wanted to do the SAHM thing for a few years. So we went from one salary to one salary, just switching who was bringing home the money. The job he got right out of college has great medical coverage so we decided to wait until I was out to actually start trying. Otherwise we may have tried my last year, so the medical would be covered.
    Christina807

    Answer by Christina807 at 11:56 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • I don't think you are ever truly 100% ready, you can be the most stable people in the world, but i don't think anyone is ready until the baby is really born (then you have no choice but to be ready lol), things happen (like), financial things come up (hopefully nothing more serious then a sniffle), fights happen etc. One thing i would reccomend (and this comes from personal experience) is for BOTH of you to have a complete health check up before you start trying to conceive, just in case, even if you think there is nothing wrong (make sure you get your families complete medical history as well)
    Aniyunwiya

    Answer by Aniyunwiya at 2:48 AM on Oct. 28, 2009

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