Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Does this sound like alcohol abuse?

I really think DH has an alcohol problem. He didn't always, but it has been getting progressively worse for a while. He used to only drink with his friends, and that turned into looking for ANY excuse to get out to the bar with them. When he realized that wasn't going to happen often, he started drinking at home, alone. He comes home from work and between the time he gets there until late at night when he finally goes to sleep he's had anywhere from a few drinks to a few too many. He doesn't always get drunk, but I can tell when he's had even ONE drink because of the way he's acting. First he gets really talkative, and then he gets angry. He says I "nag" him about drinking and that's why he gets pissed everytime he drinks, but that's not true. A few months ago he came home absolutely wasted and as soon as he stepped in the door he started yelling and screaming at me. He took our 5 month old daughter and wouldn't give her(cont)

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:48 AM on Aug. 8, 2009 in Health

Answers (10)
  • back to me, repeatedly called me names and said a lot of other horrible things, and then finally walked out the front door and just left. He didn't drive, he walked wherever he went. The next day he felt terrible but swore he remembered everything so he wasn't "that drunk," as he says. Lately I've noticed that he gets sick a lot easier when he drinks too. Tonight he came home from his friends house after playing drinking games (and he hid it from me, I was totally unaware that they where going to be drinking) and passed out on the bed, then started gagging on vomit in his sleep. I woke him up so he wouldn't barf all over us and he stood up and spewed all over our floor and the wall and the furniture. He has NEVER gotten sick like this while drinking before. There have only been a couple really "bad" incidents when he's been drinking, but the rest of the time he is just mean and angry. I try to tell him he has a problem but he
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:52 AM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • wont listen because he sees how his sister and his dad are, and remembers how his Grandpa used to be, and swears that they're the alcoholics and he's totally fine. I try to tell him that there are different levels of alcoholism and just because he's not shit faced all the time doesn't mean he doesn't have a problem, but he thinks it's totally normal to drink all evening/night, by himself, even though it causes a huge strain on our relationship. I even pointed out that he's hiding his alcohol consumption from me (keeping alchol hidden in the garage, not telling me when he's drinking while he's out, telling me he's had less to drink than he really had, etc.) and he says that's MY fault because I make a big deal out of it. I told him I wouldn't make a big deal out of it if it weren't a big deal in the first place but he doesn't get that. I just don't know, maybe I am being a prude but I hate this and I hate him when he drinks.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:56 AM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • It def sounds like he has some issues. He could be an active alcoholic. If he can't go without it and needs it to function and his personality changes when he drinks and he tries to hide/deny the drinking, there's something deeper going on. I would suggest some kind of counseling if you can get him to. He sounds like he would have an issue with that tho. See if you could get some family members from either of your sides to assist in some kind of intervention, if nothing else works. The safety of your child is at stake, as well as your own. don't hesitate. I know what it's like to have been with a drinker/alcoholic. My ex was a total a$$ and very abusive. He hit me in the jaw one time and I got out of there. I sincerely hope for the best for you. Be strong and do or say something to protect yourself and your kid before it's too late. Good luck.
    geminigirl18

    Answer by geminigirl18 at 4:44 AM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • Uh, yeah, he's sounding like he's heading right into alcoholism! The thing is, they never see that they have an issue! And they make up excuses to drink or why they are drinking. I don't know what to tell you, except maybe you can get him to see a counselor, or you may have to give him an ultimatum. Otherwise it's only going to get worse! I know this from dealing with alcoholism with my dad.
    xraydri

    Answer by xraydri at 5:30 AM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • He sounds like an active alcoholic. My dad was like that, before he went into recovery, almost exactly like that, without the barhopping.
    DrJChappell

    Answer by DrJChappell at 8:57 AM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • please call your local alcohol anonymous chapter and get pamphlet "Are you a alcoholic?" just leave it where he'll see it and say only that you thought it might help him . AA has truly changed the way I think and live. I didn't think I had a problem because I didn't drink every day or always get drunk. Alcoholism is progressive deadly disease, If not dealt with. Alanon would be a good place for you to begin to understand what is happening to your family and understand what you can do.

    SarahMarie1966

    Answer by SarahMarie1966 at 9:37 AM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • You need to start attending Alanon meetings, you really need support
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 11:20 AM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • Leave. Take the kids and leave.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:07 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • Thank you for the advice, ladies. I tried to talk to him again today and he just got mad at me. I will call the local AA and see if I can get somebody to talk to him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:35 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • Yes, he has a problem with alcohol. You need to get into Alanon meetings for you and your kids to learn how to deal with it. You may think about leaving too. That is not a good envrionment for kids to grow up in. Just be warned, he will not get or accept help if he doesn't want it.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 1:55 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.