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Does this fall under "You can't blame a girl for trying?"

My dd, just 15, just re-established phone contact w/a "bad" boy she's been carrying on w/in school and previously had came over our house until DH and I'd had enough of his behavior. So, I said "how's things?" and she said OK and then a bit of silence and then "I know you might not let me but I thought I'd ask anyway, his birthday is coming up and he's going to the movies w/a few of his friends and he wondered if I could come." I know of the friends from facebook, losers, one of them made a sexual comment to my DD which she wasn't pleased about. Anyway, I just looked at her and said, "How can you even remotely imagine that I'd be comfortable with you going to a dark movie theater (or anywhere for that matter) with a bunch of boys?" And she said , "I didn't think you'd be OK with it, but don't hold it against me for asking." Well, I'm glad she asked, but I was kind of floored that she'd want to go! A real spin on group dating!

Answer Question
 
dflygirl7

Asked by dflygirl7 at 6:22 PM on Aug. 8, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 12 (751 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • I wouldn't hold it against her...be proud of her...I was a brat in my teens and would've just snuck behind my mom's back. Be proud of her!!! She knew most likely it would be no and that it would be giving you a heads up so sneaking out would be impossible yet she respected you enough to still ask...that's honorable...you got yourself and well rounded young lady...very few of them these days.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:26 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • I agree with PP and since she is so respectful and all I would have let her go. When I was growing up I liked a bad boy my mom didnt like and hung with NOTHING but guys. mom was uncomfortable about it but I was a good kid and never let myself get pressured. They were just friends and She eventually understood and I did everything with the "guys" and I turned out fine. You would be amazed at how protective those guys can be. Like I said since she is so mature I would let her go JMO :)
    heather.darin

    Answer by heather.darin at 6:32 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • I would be more pleased that she is trying to be honest with you. Granted you are a bit upset that she would even think about it, maybe she needed the final decision to be made by you. It is a lot easier to say "no" to something when your parents are the one that said you can't.
    dakotaNrye

    Answer by dakotaNrye at 6:33 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • can't balme her for trying- worst you could say is no! But I agree with anon, I wouldn't have asked, I would have lied and gone, and there is no way I would have let on that I was talking to him again! But that's why I will never tell my girls what I did or what my thought process was growing up! You have a good girl :)
    busygirl247

    Answer by busygirl247 at 6:33 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • I understand. You just don't know what the attraction is to begin with. Does she get good grades? Is she a "good" girl? If so, then part of the attraction is probably that he is so opposite from her. At least that was the case for me a couple of times. It's so annoying for parents though, right?! I think you're right in keeping her away from him, just don't be too overbearing about (not saying LET her go, just don't make a big deal of her talking to him and stuff) because that might increase her attraction.
    ajguinn

    Answer by ajguinn at 6:39 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • I totally understand. And yes she had to try, right? My 16 yo dd has a group of friends that are mostly guys. It takes awhile to get use to that. Now she is dating one of these boys, and because they have been friends for so long, I know him and his parents. Makes it a little easier, not much, but alittle!
    When I get wind of something that I don't like, like drinking, or sex, I limit the time she is with them or they are at my house where I can keep an eye on things. I agree with the others, it shows she is growing and may even understand where your coming from that she told you and asked.
    wallmom1

    Answer by wallmom1 at 7:25 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • She probably didn't really want to go, she was looking for an excuse (my parents suck) to not go
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 7:35 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • LOL...yes, I think that falls into that category. She knew what your answer would be but she just thought she would ask anyway. Likely she was testing her boundaries to make sure you still stand where you stood before. She was probably unconsciously looking for consistency in your and takes great comfort in knowing that you love her enough to protect her. I know that teens throw up a fit about stuff like that but deep down inside, it sends the message that you are SO important to me that I care with whom you hang out. I guarantee you she goes to bed tonight with a larger sense of security in her environment.....I m SURE of it!! Good job mom!
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 8:11 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • "She probably didn't really want to go, she was looking for an excuse (my parents suck) to not go "

    I was going to say the same thing!! Sounds to me like she just wanted to tell him no without saying she didn't want to go.
    drowninginboys

    Answer by drowninginboys at 9:37 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • I agree with drowning in boys and the PP, it sounded like she wanted an excuse not to go.
    MamiJaAyla

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 12:06 AM on Aug. 9, 2009

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