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Seeking primary custody of my

My daughter is a year old, and has been in my custody ever since she was born. I am not only the primary caregiver, I am the ONLY caregiver, as her father only visits her on the weekends. I make 90% of decisions concerning her, even though I talk to her father about the decisions I make.

I am getting ready to move to a different city, and I want to go to court to seek legal primary custody. How do I approach the subject with my daughter's father without him getting offended?

His mother has been feeding him all sort of lies, saying that if I have primary custody of our dd, then he won't have any rights as a father! SHE is the main problem, and I don't want this to turn into some sort of custody battle. He lives at home with his mother.

He is on the birth certifcate, and we are friends.

Any advice?


Asked by Anonymous at 8:12 PM on Aug. 8, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Explain to him what you both need to do and his mother needs to keep her nose out of things. If you two have a good relationship and your both putting your DD first then thats all that matters.

    Tell him that his mother has nothing to do with making any decisions for YOUR child so she needs to keep her nose out of it. Have him speak to someone from the courts, so he can understand that his mother is wrong and this is how things should be.

    Answer by raemommy at 8:20 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • just tell him you are moving. In some states that's all you have to do. Go to and click on KNOW THE LAWS then find your state and see if you can leave the state without his permission. You may not have to get anything more than what you already have

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:15 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • OP

    I'm not leaving the state...I'm just moving to a different city.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:16 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • Are you looking for primary physical custody, or full custody? Primary physical custody just means she lives with you most of the time, so I'm not understanding what you are wanting to do, If it is just the physical custody you are wanting, it seems to me that this is already what you have. Unless it isn't legal yet. Like, no custody order.

    Answer by Petie at 8:16 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • OP

    I am seeking sole physical custody and possibly sole legal custody.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:29 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • OP again:

    I am seeking legal custody, because the way things are, he can pick up my dd and never return her, and it's not kidnapping. I'm afraid that his mom will tell him to do so. She is very untrustworthy.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:32 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • I'm sorry you are in this situation, I truly believe that if the parents were the only ones involved with visitation and custody issues it would be a great deal easier and more peaceful! When third parties get involved the trouble starts!

    Get custody established before allowing him to take her again, do NOT risk it.

    try talking explain your reasons for moving and make a realistic plan so that his bond with your daughter does not suffer.


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:17 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • Getting sole custody is VERY difficult. You will have to prove that he is unfit. Otherwise you will probaby get joint custody, with you having primary physical custody. Most states are doing away with sole custody except in extreme circumstances.

    Answer by Petie at 11:12 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • Joint legal with primary residential is a custody order and if he won't give her up at that point he will be in violation etc.
    He's with her every weekend -- will that time with her be affected by your move? If so can you offer him something diff.
    Don't move (if its any major distance that will affect bonding time) without a C.O.!!!! b/c then you CAN get into issues in court.
    You can go file for emerg. custody etc. on monday in most places.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:26 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • OP

    Trust me, he is in no position to care for a child. His mother still takes care of him like he's a child.

    I'm only moving an hour away, so he can still visit her as usual. He can visit as much as he wants I said, we're friends and I enjoy his company.

    The problem is his live-in mother, who would like nothing more than to have the grandchild all to herself. She has gone as far as telling him lies in order to get him to hate me. That woman has issues.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:23 AM on Aug. 9, 2009