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Am I too strict or controlling as a parent?

My son is 14, my daughter will be 16 in December. When school is out, I expect them to be home within 30 minutes of their last class. A couple of their friends have cars but they are not allowed to ride with them. My daughter has one friend at whose house she's allowed to go, that's because I know the parents. They have to keep their phones on at all times. They will be allowed to date at age 17, and that's group dates. Bedtime is 10:30 on school nights, no curfew in summer or on weekends. They are not allowed to drive my car (daughter is getting her license this year). If they want a car at 18, they have to save and buy it, I won't help except with insurance.

My kids haven't complained at any of my rules (at least to my face lol) but I have an acquaintance who thinks I'm harsh.

Answer Question
 
benjamink

Asked by benjamink at 8:33 PM on Aug. 8, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 10 (378 Credits)
Answers (69)
  • I don't think you are, more parents need to parent like that.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:38 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • Sorry but I think its way harsh. Kids who have micro-managing strict rules like that just get creative and find ways around it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:40 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • i think your definatly too strict. except for i dont understand how your daughter only has one friends house she can go to, but she has no curfew on weekends and summer? makes no sense. you need to let them live alittle and experience life. you cant protect them from everything in life, thats no fun and not fair. and if they have good grades in school, i dont see why you wouldnt help them by a car and learn to drive in your car.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 8:41 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • I think it's good that you have these kinds of expectations in place...IMO not enough parents do. As long as they get their free time to be teenagers to a certain extent, because today's teens on the average are a little buck.
    MotherHubbard78

    Answer by MotherHubbard78 at 8:41 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • I think it is important to balance. Its great you are taking an active role in keeping them safe. However, you need to remember that they are at a great learning stage. Teenage years are a great time to make mistakes and learn from them. My mom was very strict! Some kind of curfew, having to be home soon after school, etc. Actually, I had so many lessons and places to be after school I wouldn't have had time. After high school, I went to college and went a little crazy. Not that it was my moms fault. She had just made my decisions for me and I didn't get the opportunity to learn. She even made my school schedule throughout high school. My elective classes were AP Biology, AP history, symphonic orchestra, and advanced english.

    My parents were the same with cars. Only we could drive their cars at 16 and they would match our saving when we wanted to buy a car.

    Good luck!
    jcsscfam5

    Answer by jcsscfam5 at 8:42 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • That's called being a good parent!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:43 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • That's the problem kids/teenagers want to be grown to soon and parents let them. They will have most of their lives to be grown and do what they want...a child should be a child.
    MotherHubbard78

    Answer by MotherHubbard78 at 8:44 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • PURPULbutterfly- she doesn't really go anywhere except with this one girl. If she wants to introduce me to some more friends, I'd be happy to meet them and make a decision then. She's mostly been in her room, on the computer or reading during this summer. She's welcome to hang out if she wants, she just hasn't been that interested lately.
    benjamink

    Answer by benjamink at 8:45 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • Good job mom you arwen't strict at all your raiseing to see what life is all about and trust I have seen and heard of worse parenting your not even close your doing great. Pat yourself on the back mommy.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 8:45 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • You know I really can't stand the fact that you have nothing good to say about anything purplBUTTERFLY. She is doing a great job why don't you just lay off. Eveytime I see your scene name you have something that "I DON"T GET WHY......." You piss me off.

    your parenting is very good.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:50 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

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