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Do I continue or just leave it alone??

I am 28 and the Mother to 3 beautiful kids, happily Married but can't get over the fact that I have no relationship with my real Father. The last time I saw him was when I was 6 and still remember like it was yesterday even down to his smell. I found his # and address and he lives 5 min away. I called and left him messages and no return calls. I have sent letters and pictures and still nothing. I feel like a stalker and call him at least once a day and drive by hoping he'll be outside just so I can see him. I am heart broken over it, I'm 28 and still can't get over it. I just want to know why he left and never came back. I was a great kid, grew up into an amazing young Women with an amazing little Family. I went to College, had a great job, always have been independant and sure of myself and just recently became a SAHM. He's missing out and doesn't even know it. What should I do, it's driving me crazy???


Asked by mommymine3 at 9:44 PM on Aug. 8, 2009 in Relationships

Level 3 (20 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I'm sorry you are going through this. So many unanswered questions for you. And a part of you feels rejected even though you know that there is absolutely no reason for anyone to reject a wonderful 6 year old. It is very hard when a parent we barely even know wants no contact. But you are right in looking at it in a positive way in that he is really missing out too. You may never ever be able to reach him. Eventually you will need to face that possibility. Maybe you should cut down on the frequency of your attempted contacts so you don't appear like an obsessed stalker. Perhaps a note a couple of times a year just filling him in on your life - no expectation for him to write back or call. No guilt. Just a "Hi, it's me, your daughter saying hello and hoping things are good with you." He might just surprise you one day when you least expect it. Leave the door open in a loving, low pressure way. Good luck to you.

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 10:05 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • I would leave it. If you tried so many ways to get ahold of him then theres nothing else you can do. I am sure it hurts but it will only hurt more the harder you try. He is missing out and thats his fault not yours. Just be happy that your husband is still there to see your kids. You could try to get a hold of his family if you still feel you need to try one more time. Maybe they can have him go to their house and you meet him their. Its up to you. I don't know how your feel so its hard to say...if it were me i would leave it.

    Answer by JacobsMommy05 at 9:53 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • I think you should just leave it alone, but on the other hand I think you need the closure. Since he's not responding to you at all it's kind of hard to confront him about this. I wish you the best of luck

    Answer by momma_marian at 9:54 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • Well I'm a mother to be, and I am happily married as well. I also have no relationship with my father. and he had all the opportunity in the world to regain a relationship. You could give him a call and if he doesn't pick up leave a message. But if he doesn't call you back or when ur on the phone with him he seems fake, leave it alone.
    I know how hard it is, I still want a relationship with my father even after the way he abused me, but don't force something if its not meant to be.
    I know this sounds bad, but I'm just waiting for my father's near death experience, so he can realize what he has missed.
    But if he doesn't want a relationship, don't put ur sef up to that kind of disappointment. But if/when he does call you later in life, don't turn him away, God never turns any1 away no matter how many times we f*** up or act like we don't know him.
    Good Luck and remember that God is the only father u really need,

    Answer by Lovin_mybaby5 at 9:58 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • If he doesn't want a relationship I wish he would just say that so at least I could go on. I even went as far as to put a return envelope with stationary and a stamp so he could write me a letter and not have to worry about paper, a stamp or an envelope. Life is too short and I want to know that I did everthing I could to make it work.

    Answer by mommymine3 at 10:00 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • I'd be knocking on his door when I saw his vehicle there. You deserve some answers. It's the least he can do for you. I think food brings folks together. Go by and pick up a bucket of KFC and head over to dad's house for dinner! How could he refuse a free meal? Swing by and pick me up. I'll go with you so you don't have to go alone!

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:11 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • I would definitely leave it! I never have met my real father and I guess I'm a little bitter but it seems as though you've tried with no response from him. You have a great life now! Don't let the past haunt you to much.

    Answer by flowerchid72 at 10:43 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • Lovin mybaby5, I love that, "God is the only father we need" thank you

    Answer by flowerchid72 at 10:55 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • I'd leave it, if you've called and left messages, and he hasn't returned your calls, you're only asking for more heartbreak if you continue. I too am so sorry you are going through this, but you need to try to get past it. If possible I'd get some counseling to help you learn how to let it go. Good luck.

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:12 PM on Aug. 8, 2009