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I'm the one who is 18, wondering why my mom acts like this towards me.

I thought this would be a good place to ask. I guessed most of the moms around this area would have kids my age.

SOOOOO I got pregnant when I was 16 and moved out. It was like.... 16-ish months ago that I left. She thinks I'm such a bad mom and I don't take care of my son the way I should because I'm young. Then out of courtesy to her I tell her when I'm going out of town or something and she freakin yells at me like I asked her permission. NO I don't need to ask for permission I'm 18, live with my fiance, and support myself. I would understand if I was still living with her, but I'm not. She says NO YOU CAN'T DO THAT. Yeah I can. She screams at me for not having a cell phone, WTF is that for she doesn't have one why do I need one?

Just...... why? I'm not even "the baby" my younger sister is 6. She doesn't do it to my older sister either, just me.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:57 PM on Aug. 8, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (12)
  • Sounds like she is just having control issues. I don't care if you are the youngest or not you are still her daughter. She is probably just worried about you and your son and doesn't know how to handle it. I was a young mom, not as young as you but still too young and my mom did the same thing. She slowly started to ease up a bit.


    Just stick to your guns and try not to react to her rants. Be the best mom you can be!!

    Cindy18

    Answer by Cindy18 at 11:03 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • She probably feels like you are out of control. Although to me you sound like you are doing ok for yourself. Lots of people have babies that young and its great that you are doing all you can for that baby. I applaud you. There are always going to me people who dont agree with you or think they know better. You have to do what you think is right for your immeadiate little family. You your baby and your fiance. Moms will always have opinions and sometimes they are right and sometimes wrong. But they will ALWAYs TELL YOU HOW TO DO THINGS. YOu just have to take it with a grain of salt. Also your mom could be a controlling person and since you are no longer under her roof she cant control you and it might just chap her a$$. There is my 2 cents.
    GoddessHeatherM

    Answer by GoddessHeatherM at 11:03 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • I'm in the same boat as you just with my father and I'm almost 27. My circumstances are much different but my father "knows best" or so he thinks. He is convienced I can't take care of myself or my son. I tell him, you raised me now leave it at that! Let me make my mistakes and learn. I'm sorry are having such a hard time with your mother. Good luck.
    lmsar

    Answer by lmsar at 11:50 PM on Aug. 8, 2009

  • I feel your pain. My mother was doing that to me and I'm 21, been married for nearly 4 years and have 2 kids. However, we know my mother has control issues and thinks she knows best. I finally told her off one day when she was criticizing me for something. So far it has been a peaceful month but I doubt it will last long since I refuse to let her see my kids again after what she did to my baby.
    purpleducky

    Answer by purpleducky at 11:59 AM on Aug. 9, 2009

  • IGNORE her and go on with your life. It sounds like you have a strong head on your shoulders, you are supporting and taking care of your child and living with your fiance. It sounds like your mother is a control freak and you are the only one to her behavior. Just remind her that you are an adult, live on your own and care for your child and do NOT have to answer to her. You do NOT have to tell her where you are going, what your are doing , etc. Live your life, take care of your child and don't let your mother control you. She lost that right when you left when pregnant 2 years ago.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:21 PM on Aug. 9, 2009

  • Just thank her for her suggestions (cell phone) and go on. She's obviously a controller. Just live your own life.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:51 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • I understand her being concerned for you being so young and on your own already, however it does sound like she's taking it too far. I think there are a few different solutions and you need to decide which would be best for you and your family. One would be to go to counselling with your mother. It could help retain a relationship while still setting boundaries. Another would be to have a sit down with your mother on your own. Explaining to her that you still value her opinion as your mother, but that now that you are on your own it's merely an opinion and that she can't tell you what to do anymore. The last option would be to attempt to put a little distance between you two, like not calling to inform her of your plans, thus showing her that it was a courtesy not a matter of asking for permission. Good luck to you!
    MynTop

    Answer by MynTop at 12:53 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • you mom sounds a bit like mine was. I was 22 and not married when my oldest was born. i moved in with my boyfriend the week after she was born. My mom refused to even come visit my new place because we lived in sin. that was 30 years ago and me and mom became the best of frineds after my dad died and i helped her with my grandma without even being asked. i took over the shopping, (which mama hated doing) and the heavy housework.
    mama dierd 12 years ago today. I hope you and your mom become friends again after she realizes that you are a grown woman with a life of your own
    mamak57

    Answer by mamak57 at 10:08 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • Mayb she's just concerned about you and the baby! Once a mom ALWAYS a mom! Listen to her take what advice you can but what doesn't apply..... Let it roll off!
    6peace

    Answer by 6peace at 12:38 PM on Aug. 13, 2009

  • I think your mom is probably just concerned about you and her grandchild. She's also probably disappointed that you got pregnant and had a child before you finished your education. She's also probably worried that your boyfriend may take off and leave you and her grandbaby with no means of support. She probably lies awake nights worrying about the two of you, whether you are safe, whether you have enough to eat, and all kinds of other things. Mothers want the best for their children, and I'm sure that your mom feels like you are settling for less than the best. And so she over-reacts and says things that she probably doesn't mean in ways that she doesn't really mean to sound. And the phone thing--it would probably bring her some degree of comfort to know that you could call her immediately if you ever realized you were in serious trouble and in need of help. It's a scary world today, and the young sometimes don't see it
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 6:04 PM on Aug. 17, 2009

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