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How can I get Gram to understand I'm the mother and he's the father?

Gram moved in with us and we have a newborn. She don't take care of herself no matter what we try to do to help. She has fits constantly saying mean and hurtful things to us, about us and about our son. We ask EVERYONE to wash or sanitize their hands before dealing with him because he was early and too little, btu she don't want to do it and gets mad at us when we ask or don't let her touch the baby. We take care of her, but she wants to pretty much raise my son, how can I get her to understand that WE are the parents and what WE say goes?

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arcsmommy

Asked by arcsmommy at 12:20 AM on Aug. 9, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (7)
  • you cant old people are so set in thier ways and no matter what you do you are doing it wrong. My mawmaw has parkisons and she keeps falling down alot lately and she gets mad at me for not letting the newborn hes 3 weeks go over for her to watch him... i am scared she will fall with him its hard for her to understand bc she has always taken care of all the grandkids and great grandkids. Its a useless fight to argue with the eldery you will never win, just keep up with the requests and maybe she will give in but i doubt it.
    ggiovanni

    Answer by ggiovanni at 12:24 AM on Aug. 9, 2009

  • she may get mad, but does she get the point?? Be consistent, if she doesn't use the sanitizer then she doesn't hold the baby. When she gets mad, just tell her 'its not like I don't use it too.. its not just for you, its for everyone!'. I don't know if this will help, old people are (like the pp said) very set in their ways, but you have to do what's best for your baby, and if she won't listen to reason then I'm not sure where to go from there.
    kristal2146

    Answer by kristal2146 at 12:30 AM on Aug. 9, 2009

  • kick her out.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:30 AM on Aug. 9, 2009

  • Tell her flat out, this is our child and we do not want your imput and if you can not deal with that then you need to find another place to stay. I know it is harsh, but this is your life and you need your space, young familes fall apart fast when other people move in. They need their space and time to bond and grow as a family. IMO, I would not have let her move in to begin with.
    clovismommy25

    Answer by clovismommy25 at 1:04 AM on Aug. 9, 2009

  • You know, she doesn't have to live with you. Nursing homes and retirement centers exist for a reason. I would seriously look into those options and find a place nearby where Gram can be somewhat independent and give you guys some breathing space. Seriously. Please do this.
    Mousuke

    Answer by Mousuke at 5:29 AM on Aug. 9, 2009

  • I agree with Mousuke. The problems with your Gram will only get worse and create more problems with your family in the long run, especially as your child gets older and realizes that he can play you guys off each other. Power struggles are never pretty - End it now before it's too late!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:40 AM on Aug. 9, 2009

  • I would tell her when she can takle care of herself she can start taking care of the baby. Tell her you have told her the baby was more suspectible to sickness and if she can't respect that then she is a very selfish person. Give her an ultimatum obey the rules or leaves.
    conweis

    Answer by conweis at 8:01 AM on Aug. 9, 2009

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