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A sex question

I have been married for 5 years, for the last two we have gone through some really hard times, but sex has never been one of those it's always been pretty great. The last 6 months or so I don't initiate sex, my DH always has too. Once we get into the foreplay I am done, I just can't do it, I am not turned on at all. I AM attracted to my DH when things are good between us, but when it gets down to sex I go blank. it's not that I don't want sex I DO! I just am not turned on enough to have sex with my DH. Nothing has changed, we haven't changed physically, I am not on anything new. I don't know what is wrong!! Has anyone gone through this and can you give us advice?

Answer Question

Asked by LilyFrogTat at 7:21 AM on Aug. 9, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (9)
  • You're turned on when the foreplay is finished, and its time to get down to business?

    It sounds like you might want to experiment with toys or role playing - that you just need something to spice things up.

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 7:25 AM on Aug. 9, 2009

  • No I get turned off as soon as the foreplay starts :-(

    Answer by LilyFrogTat at 7:32 AM on Aug. 9, 2009

  • Is there anything you're pissed off over?

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 7:34 AM on Aug. 9, 2009

  • Many things,LOL! We have had issues for two years, and most days are spent fighting, we do have awesome days in between though but even then I can't get turned on enough by him to have sex.

    Answer by LilyFrogTat at 7:40 AM on Aug. 9, 2009

  • Have you talked with him in depth about why you're pissed? That's probably what it is - the anger is getting in the way of enjoying sex. Resolve the issues you have with him, and the sex is bound to get better.

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 7:44 AM on Aug. 9, 2009

  • Stress does cause certain hormones to "turn off" or change. It could be the reason. Maybe subcontiously with the fighting, you withdraw when the sex starts. Have you thought about a sex therapyst? What does he have to say about the lack of sex from you?

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:46 AM on Aug. 9, 2009

  • sounds like you need to work with him about what you have been fighting about. I love my husband to death but if i am aggrivated with him i get turned off by the idea of sex with him, I know it is hard to just talk about things and bring them up but thats going to be your best bet, not just for sex but for your marriage, holding things back ends terribly

    Answer by Laura_Cruz at 8:08 AM on Aug. 9, 2009

  • A favorite quote of mine....'women need a reason to have sex, men need a place.' Sounds like there might be some issues that the two of you need to work on. A lot of the time, women that feel there is something lacking in the emotional aspect of the relationship cannot follow through with sex. I have been doing lots of research on this since I have gone through it myself. Maybe try to find out what is bothering you deep down inside and bring it to his attention.

    Answer by Princefan6684 at 9:31 AM on Aug. 9, 2009

  • I think it's a mental thing,no am not saying you crazy lol,but I'm just saying because of all the fights your brain is just turned off from him while your body is calling him. lol.Get it?Subcontiously there's an unresolved issue,even if you think their isn't,and I think your brain won't relax until you figure and solve the problem. Instead of both of you being pissy about this situation find the silver lining,which is that this situation gives you a chance to explore.Yea,lol.Maybe try a little role play and try diffrent wyas of doing things in the bedroom like isntead of doing "IT" in the same position and/or place you can spice it up and try something diffrent.Try also maybe instead of foreplay 1st try getting your body excited 1st then SLOWLY work yourself up to the foreplay for a little while,then sex then a little more foreplay.Try setting in foreplay in the middle of sex as well cuz maybe ur brain is use to the USUAL.

    Answer by MyBlessin at 9:36 AM on Aug. 9, 2009

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