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How can I make him understand without making him feel defensive?

My husband has been on unemployment for a while now and refuses to let me get a job. (I don't want to be away from my kids, having been a stay at home mom for years, but want what is best for my family.) The no job thing isn't the issue so much as him just not doing ANYTHING. He stays up all night playing video games and sleeps until at least 3 PM everyday. He will not help with anything. I am at my wits end from the lack of help. If I wake him up he is in a sh*tty mood all day and I just can't deal. If he were working I would expect nothing, but since he is home he should be helping out IMO. He also suffers from depression and will not get help, hence why I am scared to say anything to him. I understand that it is probably the depression making him sleep all the time, but if he won't get help... I am just so lost as to what to do in this situation. Help please!

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ArmyMom2oneboy

Asked by ArmyMom2oneboy at 12:17 PM on Aug. 9, 2009 in Relationships

Level 2 (9 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • Maybe you could do a stay at home job with home parties and such if would bring in some money and you could always do what I use to do with my step daughter and nephew if they would help clean i would cook hot meals they got salads and cereal until the chores were done. i told them i wasn't going to do all that work if they weren't willing to do any work.
    MrsWeathers

    Answer by MrsWeathers at 12:21 PM on Aug. 9, 2009

  • if they would help clean i would cook hot meals they got salads and cereal until the chores were done. i told them i wasn't going to do all that work if they weren't willing to do any work.


    That is awesome! I am afraid that would backfire here since he would just run out for fast food, but I love it! I have thought of making diapers to sell, since I make my own anyways, but I just don't know i I would have the time. I barely have time to shower on a good day. Gross, I know, but it is the truth. Thank you for the response though!

    ArmyMom2oneboy

    Answer by ArmyMom2oneboy at 12:23 PM on Aug. 9, 2009

  • omg I thought this was my youngest dd writing this! This sounds exactly like her life! They just had a "discussion" about it today and he told her to get out. YEAH!!!!! I bet he won't let her really go but it's worth hoping for. She can do much better on her own. I hope you figure your's out as well. These men who think unemployment is their answer to permanent income need to get a clue!
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:09 PM on Aug. 9, 2009

  • Put the video game away, buy an alarm clock and he gets up when you get up, he helps you out with the kid(s) and the house, period. Screw not wanting to make him feel defensive, he doesn't seem to mind making you feel crazy. He's an adult, he needs to act like one.
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 3:27 PM on Aug. 9, 2009

  • I just feel bad about it because I know that the big issue here is his depression. I know what it is like and had anyone talked to me the way I sometimes feel like talking to him it would have sent me over the edge...
    ArmyMom2oneboy

    Answer by ArmyMom2oneboy at 12:39 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

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