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My 4 year old is peeing her pants?

My daughter has been trained since she was 20 months. She pees her pants when she is anxious, usually when Daddy deploys, he is home and has been. She hurt her knee (bad scape), but very traumatic for her, and her Aunt who was visiting was deployed. She has been peeing her pants 1-2 times a day and then today started pooing them. I have tried talking to her, rewarding her for not messing herself and punishing her. Nothing is working. She seems to be fine when we are play group or at the pool, and she is biting her nails and sucking on things again (things she does when Daddy is deployed), which makes me think it is an anxiety thing. She also has a rash in between the lips of her virginia from not wiping well, any hints oh how to teach her that please suggest, I am sure that is not helping her. I am so frustrated.


Asked by DevilInPigtails at 8:21 PM on Aug. 9, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • My 5 year old goes through spurts when something new happens and she doesn't do so well with the pottying. When we moved last year it took her all summer to get back to being good.

    As to the good wiping, just every time you know she's in there, remind her to wipe her girl bits first then her butt always. Then once or twice a day have her wipe with a wet wipe or wash cloth. I always have my daughter clean off before bed and when she gets up. She has very sensitive skin and frequently has to use medicine on her privates for pain. These precautions help.

    Another thing is when my daughter is going through a rough time not using the potty real well, I'll sort of revert to "making" her go every 1/2 hour or hour so that there's less chance of an accident.

    Don't punish. She's not doing this to anger you. Do however make her clean up her own messes.

    Answer by WillDoDa at 12:28 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • It's tough and frustrating being a mom in a stressful situation, it's even tougher and more frustrating if you're in the same situation and only 4. lol. Sounds to me like anxiety could play a main factor in her behavior. She's not in control of her surroundings, so she WILL be in control of what she can. She knows that this type of behavior is unacceptable, but may crave the attention, even if it's negative. Maybe try to sit down and talk to her about everything that's going on. Ask her if there is something she would like to talk about. Be open to her thoughts and opinions. I think maybe if she sees that you are concerned with her anxieties, she may overcome unnecessary stress, and may be able to stop having "accidents." As far as her rash, she may have a UTI. I would call my pediatrician. Maybe using wet wipes instead of toilet paper will help make sure she is cleaning thoroughly.

    Answer by experiencedmoma at 5:23 AM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • I have talked to her and there is nothing going on. Expect this rash and her knee. We are home, just got back from a family vacation, which she loved. I know she is anxious and I have asked what is wrong or if anything is bothering her, or is she worried about anything. She doesn't know and if I ask specifics she says yes to everything, including I don't know. Usually I can pin point the anxiety but with this I can't. I have started making her go to the bathroom at her usual times to try and prevent the accidents, and I have a reward if she doesn't have one all day. She is whining and demanding and I am at my wits end and so is her little sister who she is picking on. I am trying to stay calm, but enough already. I just want my sweet girl back.

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 2:02 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • As for the wiping, she wipes her bum with wet wipes and her virginia with TP. She does wipe herself, but not in between the lips and that is were the rash is developing. If this continues I think I will take her into the doctor. BUt she will get up and take herself to the restroom in the middle of the night if she needs to just fine, no accident at all. So frustrating.

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 2:05 PM on Aug. 10, 2009