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If you were in an abusive relationship is it still "doing the other person dirty" if you act like everything is ok until they go to work, then pack up the house(what you and the kids will need) and leave with the kids?

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:47 AM on Aug. 10, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • absolutely not thats what i did and its safer

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:49 AM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • NO, it's not "doing the other person dirty" - that's what an abuser would want you to think and counts on you thinking that way. Leaving when they are gone is the best way to go when it comes to an abusive relationship. Please, depending on the state you're in (and rather or not there is "Legal Separation" in your state) - have an atty and be ready to establish custody and separation as well as a restraining order BEFORE you contact him to tell him where you are. BUT do it quickly - you don't want to be accused of "keeping the kids from him". Leave quietly and act quickly.

    Answer by PaceMyself at 8:56 AM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • I would think that would be saving your own life! Meaning you do what you have to do to get out. Why worry about doing the other person dirty when they are being abusive to you??!! All bets are off when abuse is involved. You dont own him the courtesy of telling him or threatening. Its necessary if youre trying to get out and save your life and lives of your children. Girl, you have nothing to feel guilty for. Protect yourself and your kids and find somewhere safe to take them. Im sorry your going through this. Good luck and be safe.

    Answer by momofsaee at 8:57 AM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • Do it and do it fast! I moved from GA to MO with my ex, when we got there he turned into a totally different person than he had een for the last 3 years! One night he hit me, I called the police and tried to have him arrested but the stupid cop they sent was going to take us oth to jail and take my kids to DSS! So the next day I got on a bus back to GA called a lawyer when I got here and established full custody of my kids! He tried to put out missing persons reports on my kids and me! I havent seen him now in almost a year! It was the best decision I made ever!

    Answer by MommyOf3InATL at 9:01 AM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • If that is the only way to leave, with out him acting up. Do it.

    Answer by louise2 at 9:15 AM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • Thats a crazy thought. There is nothing dirtier than abusing someone. You pack your stuff and get yourself and those kids out of there before this bully gets home. No matter what you think, you and your kids deserve to be safe.

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 9:17 AM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • You did the smart thing by leaving while he was gone. You protected yourself and your children. If he should bother you get a restraining order on him. I would be concerned about him because he is a abuser and control freak it sounds like. Stay safe , good luck hon.


    Answer by zbee at 9:31 AM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • I did it that way. The other way is too dangerous.

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:08 AM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • leave and leave fast no one has the right to abuse anyone. You have to change life for your kids and yourslelf my mother has a saying "lash walk in love walk out." its time to walk out.

    Answer by thomasrugrats at 10:13 AM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • ABSOLUTELY NOT! It's keeping you and your kids safe! It's "doing the other person dirty" when you feel the need to hit and hurt them or the kids! THAT'S the dirty part - NOT the sneaking to leave so you can get away from it!


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 10:19 AM on Aug. 10, 2009

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