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Questions about pre-school playdates.

My daughter is 4.5 and I have yet to figure out the whole playdate thing. Is it odd to invite a child to a playdate when you have not "formed a bond" with the mom? From what I can tell playdates seem to happen between kids whose moms click . That makes sense when the kids are toddlers cause they really don't care about who they play with anyway. But this past year my daughter made some friends at pre-school who I invited over for a few playdates. The moms were nice, but we didn't really bond. After a few playdates, I stopped inviting them over because they moms never invited us over and it was starting to feel awkward. I'm worried about this next year of pre-school, because I suck at making friends and I'm worried that my child's social life will suffer because the mom's don't want to hang with me. Anyone else have this problem? What do I do? What age (if any) do playdates become less dependent on the moms being friends?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:20 AM on Aug. 10, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (4)
  • I would say invite the mother and the child so the mom feels comfortable with the kid coming alone in the future.

    Or ask the mother if it is ok for her dd to come over, and that she is welcome to come if she wants to.

    Answer by kirsty_mcgrail at 11:24 AM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • I suck at making friends too...I have a group of friends since forever, but no new friends...and in a new town, its hard. My dd is 4.5 and has been invited to a few playdates at her friend from preschool's house....her mom and my mom are cordial, but that's it. Her daughter has Juvenile Diabetes, so she's not comfortable letting her go anywhere since she always needs to be tested, etc., but she loves taking my DD for playdates...they do it maybe 2x per month. I like her mom, but we just don't get a chance to bond it seems...I just don't know how to progress to the next step in friendship...

    Answer by gramsmom at 11:31 AM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • ask if the child could come over after school to play....let the mom know that they can come home with you after class is out - and she can pick up at a different time. then the kids can play but you dont really have to bend over backwards to socialize with the mom.

    Answer by hypermamaz at 1:46 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • I understand exactly how you are feeling. I think it's hard to make new friends when you get to be an adult. When you're in HS, college or at work, you're always meeting new people. Once you're out (or a SAHM), it seems that door closes a little bit. I think we also get a little more discriminating in who we choose to be friends with after realizing what it takes to be a good person.
    I think maybe you are just feeling self conscious. You're doing the right thing, inviting other kids over for playdates. Maybe in time, the other Moms will reciprocate. Besides, maybe the other Moms are feeling self conscious too. Maybe they don't have a house as nice, or as many toys, or money for snacks and drinks to offer. You just never know what situation someone else is in. But, in order to make friends, you have to BE friendly. I say keep doing what you were doing! Good luck!

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 3:20 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

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