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I have just discovered( thru looking at my 19 yr old daughter's pictures and videos on facebook) that my lovely innocent daughter has been drinking and smoking while away at college. Is this normal for college students or should I freak out? Advice please!

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lindarosel

Asked by lindarosel at 12:43 PM on Aug. 10, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

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Answers (37)
  • It's normal.
    StifflersMom82

    Answer by StifflersMom82 at 12:43 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • yes it's normal. College is about experiencing life and learning. All of what she is doing is part of learning about life
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:44 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • Very normal. Don't freak. It will put tension between you two.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:45 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • I would be concerned with the drinking because she is underage and the smoking because of the obvious health issues, however I think freaking out will be a bad idea. It is normal, I did it too, and if you feel the need to bring it up with her, I would be as calm and rational as you can and just explain to her that you are concerned for her health and not trying to run her life.
    MynTop

    Answer by MynTop at 12:47 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • You're a mother - you'll always want the best for your baby and you'll always worry. This behavior is normal. It does not reflect the values and morals you taught her. It's just a stage... most people grow out of it. It's college. Yes, it's a time for learning and getting a degree but it's also your first freedom!! You'll try new things, make mistakes, get into trouble, but that's college. You have every right to be a little nervous but it is is normal. Trying to talk to her about it (now that she is an adult and over 18) will not do anything but put a wall up between you two. If you HAVE to talk to her about it - be prepared for the response. Good luck, hun but don't freak out! She's behaving very normal. Do you remember when you were in college? Didn't you yourself maybe get in trouble and do some things away from mommy and daddy?
    TheJBug

    Answer by TheJBug at 12:56 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • I have two kids in college one in hs. Your daughter like previous responders say, is absolutely normal. This is where all that you've taught her and warned her about and prepared her for or not is tested and tested again. The drinking will go on no matter what you say to her. If dd's family smokes in the home it should'nt be surprising that she does. If no one smokes in the home I understand why its upsetting. If it's drugs she's smoking that's part of it too trying things but certainly talk about pros and cons and reinforce your concerns by asking her to not drink underage in your home or a friend's home.

    I would though do what I did - give her condoms and spermicidal gel to keep in her purse or bag, even if she says she's on birth control. That might be a smokescreen to blow you off her trail.

    It'll all get worse before it gets better but it's all a part of growing up very similar to what you and I went thru.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:00 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • Oh my! Thanks for all the "It's normal responses"! I do feel a bit better, but I am still worried! Yes, I did it too, but I also remember the things I did after having a few drinks that I am afraid of!
    lindarosel

    Answer by lindarosel at 1:04 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • Totally normal. It's also totally normal for you to be concerned, and perfectly fine for you to talk to her about it. But don't freak out. Experimenting with partying is definitely a part of the American college experience.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 1:06 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • It's 100% normal! You can't control her actions 100% You raised her and now she is in that "experimental" stage... Just be there for her if she trips up...
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 2:16 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • I was about to say what Sabrina said. You can't control her completely. It is normal, but I really didn't do anything after I got away from my parent's except drink a little, and that was just sips of stuff to try it (until my husband turned 21). Anyway, most of the people that I know that have gone away to college at least try it once or twice. Don't stress too much mommy! She'll be ok.
    Mrs.BAT

    Answer by Mrs.BAT at 2:27 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

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