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Getting tired of the way my husband talks to/about me....

Okay, I have been married to DH for four years now and lately he has been driving me nuts. He is always talking like I do nothing and everything he does is stellar. Here is one example: I have been trying to lose weight and work out in our home gym, no problem right? He puts me down and says, so you did some push ups today and worked up a sweat, I rode 20 miles on my bike, you'd never be able to do that. Truth is, I most likely could do that, if I wanted to, but I don't. I don't enjoy bike riding, Id rather work out in the comforts of my own home and still be able to look after our 3 yr old while I work out. Am I being petty for letting this get to me? His comments are killing any self esteem I though I had. I was feeling much better about myself and body image until lately. His words hurt sometimes.


Asked by Anonymous at 4:08 PM on Aug. 10, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • yeah, my dad does that to my mom. needless to say, my mom loves it when i come over because i believe that people treat other people the way they want to be treated. so, i look at my dad and tell him that, yeah, you did this and this and that AND have a big mouth and swollen head about it- atleast mom can do something good with style. shuts him up pretty fast. my hubby did that once and i looked at him and told him that i had a bigger penis than he does. girl, be pissed off about him disrespecting your accomplishments and know that guys like that sometimes need a peice of their own disrespectful medicine. even if it is as simple as, "omg, you could do that while pmsing too?!?" it makes you feel better and gives you some dignaty back.

    Answer by spazlilsister at 4:46 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • There is nothing petty about the way you feel. He has no right to speak to you that way! And he shouldn't. He needs to treat you with unconditional love and respect. He's being an outright jerk!

    Answer by feesharose at 4:09 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • He is being a jerk and i would tell him that too!!
    good luck!!

    Answer by lizzysmom83 at 4:13 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • I think he may not realize how his words are making you feel. I think you should talk to him and tell him you are not in competition with him and it means the world to you when he encourages you. When you hear him say positive things about you then you are encouraged to work even harder. Tell him that your partner is the one person who is there to build u up and support you in this world. dont be critical my guess is that he thinks he is teasing and would rethink his words if he knew how they were effecting you. If he doesnt change you have your answer.

    Answer by ria7 at 4:19 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • You know I"m thinking your dh may think he's motivating you. Not that he's going about it the right way, he's not. But in his eyes, he may think he's encouraging you. Maybe try to tell him it's not really helping you, that you need more positive feedback, not challenges.

    Answer by robinann5 at 4:24 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • I would tell him. My husband makes snyde little comments and I tell him when I think it was inappropriate. I was in a relationship with someone who liked to tear me down just so he can pick me up. I vowed I never would let a man do that to me again. I'm not rude about it. But tell him that you are working hard, you don't like bike riding and then tell him there are things that you can do that he can't. We are all different people with different strengths.

    Answer by lkratzmeyer at 4:25 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • He's being a jerk. Tell him so. One-upmanship is childish.

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:47 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • My husband has said stuff to me like that before. Sometimes in jest, and others in a pathetic attempt to make him feel better about himself, I suppose. When he says that usually I just counter back with something like "Well I did [this] today and you couldn't do that, so shut it.." and he'll usually back off. But then there are times when what he says hurts. I tell him when it bothers me and usually I'll get an acknowledgement that it was rude. Bottom line is, say something to him about it and let him know it's not okay to speak to you like that, whatever his motivation behind it may be.

    Answer by MamaChanny at 4:49 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • Thanks so much ladies! I guess I am going to have to give him a taste of his own medicine. See how much he likes feeling like crap on a daily basis. This is going to be hard because I am by nature, a very nice person, I'm going to have to dig down deep to rip him a new one.

    I know I should stand up for myself more often but the truth is I am so tired at the end of the day that opening my mouth to say anything to my husband just seems like too much work. I guess I've just had too much now, I can't take another remark from him.

    Don't be surprised if you read about me in the paper for spazzin out on my DH, lol. (just joking)

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:05 PM on Aug. 10, 2009