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Have I Made A BIG Mistake?

I got married about 3 months ago. At the time, there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that I was making the right decision. However, since we've been married, I'm miserable!!! DH seems to be on a rampage ever since! He won't go to my family functions at all. And if he has to, ie: my bro's wedding, all he does is complain for a week before, the whole day, and the next few days! I feel like I'm an inconvenience! Meanwhile, I'm going out of my was to kiss his butt because I don't want to make him mad. I'm too embarassed to tell anyone I know what's going on...so I keep it myself. He also tells me if he finds out that I'm speaking about him negatively to anyone it won't be a good thing. I feel so alone and I feel like I've lost a large part of my identity lately. I'm so unhappy and I can't even tell anyone. I'm hoping this is normal newlywed stuff, but I fear it isn't. HELP!!!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:46 PM on Aug. 10, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • "He also tells me if he finds out that I'm speaking about him negatively to anyone it won't be a good thing."

    Now THIS puts all kinds of alarms ringing in my head. Please get to a counselor or someone who can help you. STOP KEEPING IT IN.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 6:47 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • And NO. It's not normal. No matter HOW long married.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 6:47 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • This is NOT normal newlywed stuff..o my! I am so sorry you're so sad :( I'd say you made a mistake (but not your fault at all if has changed since), he obviously has some issues that need to be worked out. I know you say you have no one to talk to and you're alone but you can talk to me if you'd like. I know you don't know me but maybe that's a good thing..an outside opinion :) Good luck to you *hugs*
    minimommy816

    Answer by minimommy816 at 6:50 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • this is why I hate marriage. They change into unrecognizable creatures after we sign our name on the dotted line and say I Do. He sounds like he may be dangerous. You might want to consider an annulment.

    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:51 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • So he wasnt like this at all before? There were NO warning signs that he was controlling and negative? Im so sorry youre having such a hard time and I can only imagine the doom and gloom you feel after being married only a short time. Is he open enough that you can sit him down and share your thoughts or do you feel he would close you off and not want to talk about it? Is he verbally abusive to you? Do you feel he is trying to isolate you from your family? Those are definitely warning signs to abusive relationships. I would refrain from speaking negatively about him to your family just so they dont go ballistic, but Im glad you felt you could reach out here and ask for help. Maybe theres a mom here thats been in your shoes. I dont know how much advice I can offer other than to sit him down and have a come to jesus meeting with him. Again, I dont know how well that would go over. I pray another mom has some solid advice for u.
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 6:52 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • Well not all marriage changes guys...My husband and I have been together 8 years but married for 2 and nothing ever changed. We're young, broke and have small children...all the stressful stuff and we're doing great. But I do agree...get it annulled, and let SOMEONE know what's going on
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:55 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • Talking to him about it would just cause a big fight which I don't think will get me anywhere. He won't feel that he's wrong. Before we got married, he was as sweet as pie! I have no idea what happened!! I also feel trapped because he had me quit my job before the wedding to take care of his son, so I have no income. I do have a decent savings though. It seems that everything is my fault in his eyes, no matter what it is!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:56 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • Hon I was there once! I was married for less than 24 hours when my new hubby handed me literally a LIST of the people I could and could not see. I couldn't leave the house without him. I couldn't go to my friend's without him. I got the marriage annulled and RAN. It was the smartest thing I'd ever done... men like that will isolate you and then start on the physical abuse. Don't be embarrassed to talk to people; that's what he's counting on! I'd seriously consider moving in with friends at least until you two can talk things out or until he shows his real stripes. This is NOT normal newlywed stuff and is sending red flags up all over the place. Feel free to msg or write me if you want, but please consider seeking help. This is the best its going to be... he will only get worse as he gets more sure of your silence.
    Emuu

    Answer by Emuu at 6:57 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • I also feel embarassed to let anyone know so soon after the wedding. I feel like I made this commitment and I should suck it up.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:57 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • You should get out now while the gettings good. The longer you stay the worse it will get. Only 3 months of marriage and hes threatening you already, nothing good can come of this unless hes willing to get some help. Makes me wonder why he married you in the first place. For some reason men think they can have total control over women and treat them like they are a piece of property instead of a human. Be careful one bad thing can lead to another and before long he could be beating you. Please if you cant talk to him, leave. It will hurt and probaly be embarassing (after such a short time of being married) but sometimes we have to kill our pride and do whats best for us. Good Luck!
    heavenlypeace

    Answer by heavenlypeace at 7:09 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

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