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How do I talk to my child about Mommy and Daddy fighting?

My husband and I have been getting into a lot of arguments lately. There is tension over finances, the kids, everything. Unfortunately, my three year old daughter has heard some of our arguing. Personally, I think that it's important for a child to see her parents disagree (not scream and yell, but have different opinions) and then work through the issues and make up. But here's the problem.... lately we haven't been fighting constructively and we don't really make up. My husband prefers the "pretend it never happened" route. I think that my daughter is upset by what she's hearing and I don't know how to talk to her about it. Is it better to leave it alone unless she says something? I just don't want her to be scared.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:30 PM on Aug. 10, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • no, if it is bothering her than you should talk to her and reassure her that there is nothing to worry about. I agree that its ok for kids to see parents disagree.... but never fighting. I suggest not talking about these things infront of your kids anymore if you can talk in calm voices. If it starts to get into a fight than hold off on the discussion until you both are calm and the kids are not around. Kids can sense tension between parents.
    Precious333

    Answer by Precious333 at 8:34 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • she can 't understand what you'd say to her so just quit fighting in front of her.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:37 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • you and your hubby might ought to try counseling, or family counseling. it's really not good to be fighting in front of your kids no matter how old they are. my parents fought constantly and now i have to see a therapist because i have anxiety (panic disorder) and depression.
    mandielynn23

    Answer by mandielynn23 at 8:44 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • mandielynn23 if you have to see a therapist bc of your parents fighting yrs ago then there is more wrong with you than that. people have been fighting since the beginning of time it is completely normal.

    now for the three year old she will get upset the only thing you can really do is reassure her that everything is going to be ok. tell her that mommy and daddy love her and will always love her. Mommy and daddy are just mad at each other.
    jessiesosore

    Answer by jessiesosore at 8:52 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • you need to mind your own beezwax JESSIESOSORE. you did not live my life, you don't know what my parents said to each other.
    mandielynn23

    Answer by mandielynn23 at 9:04 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • I don't think parents should fight in front of thier children. When DH and I go to argue we take it to another room and keep level voices.. If we are at the point where we want to yell at each other than I walk away and I wait until we are both calm to discuss things..
    Sometimes we have our moments though. My son was bothered by it once and daddy and I made up right in front of him. (hugged and kissed)
    Charlies_mommy

    Answer by Charlies_mommy at 9:18 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • I have fought with my husband in front of our daughter. She would get scared to be around her daddy afterwards. Not that he would hit me or threaten me, but we were pretty passionate in our fights. She would also act up afterwords too. We rarely fight now, but the few times we have debates we always (or by myslef) talk to our daughter and tell her that sometimes parents fight, it doesn't mean that we don't love eachother anymore, we are just mad/frustrated with eachother. It helps when we talk about problems right away before they can escalate into something bigger. It also teaches the children at an earlier age to talk about how the feel, and what happened that caused them to be mad, and how to work through it better than just have a verbal beating.
    Glickstein

    Answer by Glickstein at 9:19 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • Try not to fight so intensely in front of her. It is ok for kids to see their parents disagree and argue. Just explain that sometimes, adults agrue with each other and get loud and it is ok. Tell her that she can talk to you about how she feels when she sees mommy and daddy arguing. Maybe hug each other in front of her once you settle the argument. Tell her that mommy and daddy love each other and her very much.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:34 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

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