Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

If someone close you has passed away, and you had known in advance that the last time you saw them alive would be the last time, what would you have said? Besides "I love you."

My grandma passed away from cancer 11 days after my DD was born, and the last time I saw her alive was when she came to visit us in the hospital when DD was born. If I'd known it'd be the last time, I would have asked her how she managed when she first got married and had kid, with working 3rd shift and trying to sleep during the day with a newborn in the house, AND try to finish nursing school.
I would have had her tell me all the stories I loved hearing about as a kid all over again, just so they were fresh in my memory.

Answer Question

Asked by jmpeskie at 8:38 PM on Aug. 10, 2009 in Just for Fun

Level 7 (175 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • I would ask tell my mother who's not passed yet that she missed far more of her grandchildren and me than she should have, that it's a shame her ego meant more than the growth of her daughter and her grandhcildren.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:42 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • I'm sorry for your loss. Did you now she had cancer, usually so close to passing there are physical signs I think? Remember from hindsight comes lessons for our future. Prayers for you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:44 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • I visited a few elderly students who were very ill in nursing homes. When they can no longer talk with me, I assume that they can still hear me or sense my presence. I reminisce with them a bit and mention that the other students miss them and that we all care about them. Then I mention that I'll be leaving, and I use whatever words I have in the past when I leave- something such as "I'll come by next week." or something like that, even though I've known they likely wouldn't be there then. If they were still able to talk, I'd try to draw them out about their lives and fun times, and let them know how much I cared and how much knowing them meant to me.

    Answer by Bmat at 8:46 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • "I'm sorry for your loss. Did you now she had cancer, usually so close to passing there are physical signs I think? Remember from hindsight comes lessons for our future. Prayers for you"

    Yes, we knew, but she wasn't on her deathbed, she was still up, running around, walking every morning etc. Her heart just suddenly gave out one night. She was 81, I believe. It's just that I feel sort of guilty and like I never really got closure, since I was so busy with the baby and all. I just wish I would've asked her sooner instead of waiting til it was too late.

    Answer by jmpeskie at 8:51 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • The Thanksgiving before my grandmother died, I went to visit her in the nursing home. She no longer recognized me - but that was OK because I knew who she was. At that point, the nurses had to feed her, so I asked them to let me do it. I knew she must have been the one feeding me on my first Thanksgiving, so I felt honored to feed her on what I knew would be her last. I just held a one-way conversation, telling her about myself, my family etc. I know she heard me. The last thing I always told her was I loved her. I tell everyone I love the same thing when we part, because you never know when it might be the last time you get to say it face to face. When my other grandmothers and mother crossed over, I explained to my young daughter how much I would give for just one more conversation...just remember, you will be reunited someday. May you find peace. Blessed Be. GG

    Answer by greenergypsy at 8:56 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • I saw my sister 3 days before she passed away from breast cancer. Usually, I gave her a kiss and a hug before leaving, but because she had a bad cough, I didn't that day. I regret it always. I wish I could go back in time and get on the bed with her, hold her as tightly as I can and tell her I am sorry for how I treated her growing up and how proud I was that she was putting her life back together. I would say to her that I envy her strength and bravery and that I love her with all my heart.

    Answer by IhartU at 9:06 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • Well, actually, I'm going through this right now. My husband is military, and we have only visited our family in Texas about 4 months TOTAL in the past 10 years. Out of those 4 months, we spent maybe 6 or 7 days with my Grandma. The last time we were home was last summer. Because the kids were constantly wanting to go go go, be entertained, etc, and because we had SO Much family to visit in so little time, we were only at my grandma's house for a few hours. She seemed so healthy, so vibrant, even at 90. I thought for sure we would see her again, when we finally get to move back to Texas. But now she is in the hospital, been there for 3 days. They just diagnosed cancer, it's everywhere. She's got it in her liver, her lung, on her spine, and more possibly on the spine in her neck. We don't know how long she has left, and my kids may never get to really know her. I would say NEVER take any time you have with someone for granted.

    Answer by AprilDJC at 9:11 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • I knew my Mom was dying, I didn't know what day she was going to pass but it was growing closer and closer. The last conversation we had a talk, she apologized to me for ever getting mad at me and that she wanted me to watch over my dad when she was gone. She stopped talking to me about 2 days before she was gone. She made her peace with all of my sisters one at a time. I have learned that for some dying is a process, once they make their peace then they are done with you. We were with her every minute of it and as hard as it was I wouldn't trade it for anything...
    I'm so sorry for your loss..

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 9:17 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • Well my brother killed himself 28 months ago. I would ask him to not do it. I would beg him to reconsider. Tell him we still need him, that my kid will be going somewhere great and I want to share it with him.

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 9:18 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • my brother suddenly and tragically lost his life may 20, 2004. i would have told him again how he was my hero, and how he had such a great influence on my life. how i was trying to turn my life around and make him proud. how he needed to hold his wife and son close and tell them how much he loved them. there was so much left unsaid....

    Answer by jcsmummy at 9:25 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.