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Why do people have to scare first time moms?

I'm not pregnant, now, but I was just watching something where there was a pregnant girl and all these moms were telling her how terrible labor is, how terrible the first few months are, how bad this and that are, etc. It kills me when people do that! I had people in my family telling me I'd never make it through labor without drugs (even women who never had kids!), but oh boy did I show them! And I was in labor for almost 70 hours! Why can't moms just reassure first time moms by telling them something like, "Yes, labor can be painful, but it's not bad for everyone," or "Yes, adjusting to being a mom is hard at first, but you figure out what works for you," and stuff like that? Why do people try to scare first time moms?!

Wasn't sure where to post this! Sorry if it being here bugs someone!


Asked by Mrs.BAT at 11:15 PM on Aug. 10, 2009 in Pregnancy

Level 38 (105,028 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • It has probably got a lot to do with our culture. We run to hospitals (designed for sick people, birth is not an illness) with their expensive machinery, and see surgeons (OBs) when a "normal birth" attendant (midwife) would likely be a better match. We sell ourselves short with our forfeit of control and our confidence erodes...

    Around the world now and throughout history, birth has been a normal part of life, not a scary emergency.
    I guess that these Scarers are a product of their culture. :-(


    Answer by doulala at 11:37 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • i think people just like to relive their experiences and don't realize that they are doing exactly what others did to them that they didn't like. but even you in your post, said how it was a 70 hr labor, so when you tell someone about your labor do you leave that point out? if not than that is probably scary to a first time mom. the others are just being honest and trying to prepare you for the unsureness of being a mom, they just don't know how to do it.

    Answer by vabchmommy at 11:20 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • I don't think it's done on purpose to scare. I was in labor from Friday to 1 AM Tuesday morning til my son was born and hositalized for 10 days afterwards with an infection. My labor was very very tough too like yours. But I'm honest and say what happened. I suggest often that each mom is different but labor can hurt. Just saying it hurts doesn't explain why. My pregnancy physically was normal until that delivery. I also suggest often that a practice with midwives could offer a stronger chance of a smoother delivery.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:23 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • I don't know but I'm completely with you. Especially when you understand the fear/pain cycle...why would you do that to a 1st time mom? Just plain mean if you ask me.

    Answer by MamaJen74 at 11:25 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • I don't leave it out because it's important, at least to those who ask, to know that you can be in labor for a long time without it being bad. My labor was soooo slow and easy at first that I didn't even know for sure that I was in labor for about 36-40 hours, until my doctor's appointment.

    Now, I don't just start off with, "I was in labor for 70 hours!" or something lol, but if they ask, I tell them, but I make sure to break it down by saying something like, "But for the first like 40 hours, I hardly knew I was in labor because my contractions were so far apart and so mild. Then, they still stayed mild until my water was broken at which point they got strong enough for me to feel most of them, but still not all of them. Then, they only got bad the last like 5 minutes, and that was over and I was pushing before I realized what had happened."

    But I don't just blurt it all out. I wait for them to ask.

    Answer by Mrs.BAT at 11:29 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • I hate that....
    and IMO MANY women do in on purpose...I mean If they have kids, they hated this part to...But its like a sick ritual or something.

    My Mother in Law did that to me, I was having a homebirth and she ALWAYS brought up that I would "Need" and Epidural...and that "I couldnt do it" and how her son (My hubby/baby daddy) was 9lbs. 6oz. and if my baby was that big I would have to have drugs....

    I was in labor 47 hours and it was drugs, just hot water!

    Answer by babonwy at 11:31 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • even though you break it down and tell people things, like i will tell people w/my first i was induced, i didn't progress, was induced fri a.m. and sunday night had a c-section, so it felt like i was laboring, had contractions etc but didn't dilate. so i tell people after i tell them this, that i also was induced at 38 wks, have had 2 surgeries on my cervix, and hadn't begun to progress naturally before the induction, so those were all factors in it for me. however it still scares people, who are afraid of surgery and are getting induced. i don't tell them this to scare them, its more a this is what happened to me b/c like you said its the truth. as for the ones who are snotty about it, i'm sure they do it to scare new moms, maybe they see it as a right of passage to tell horror stories about their labors to show that they are better or stronger or whatever. but i've just learned to ignore those ones, no matter what the story

    Answer by vabchmommy at 11:46 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • I heard the horror stories when i was pg. too. But, i wish women would have told me some things that i found out the hard way. My sister is pg. now, and i don't tell her anything unless she asks, and she does. I just tell her my story, but that you really do forget the pain. I tell her the "secrets" i wish i was told to make things easier after labor. And i tell what you feel is best, you're motherly instincts will kick in at some point.

    Now, i did laugh when she made the comment about an 8 hour labor sounding like a long time. I couldn't help it. In fact, every woman in the room couldn't help but let out a chuckle. she asked how long my labor was, so i told her...about 20 hours.

    But don't let women scare you. Labor may not be that fun, but you'll tell your labor story with other moms over & over for years. It's like our "battle scars" that we are proud of. And the baby, well, that's the medal of honor:)

    Answer by citymama707 at 11:55 PM on Aug. 10, 2009

  • oh, and don't worry. Everything will be fine. Really, it will.

    I actually had an anxiety attatck in lamaze class one time, and several panic attatcks during my pregnancy, b/c i was unsure, scared, and not knowing what to expect...except the horror stories. But in the end, it was all fine and dandy. And my motherly insticts did kick in, about 4 hours after i slept off the epidural.


    Answer by citymama707 at 11:59 PM on Aug. 10, 2009