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i recently ran into the grandmother of my cousin's old boyfriend. i was asking her about the family and in particular how the little girl was that used to hang around that she raised. she explained that she was now 19 and pregnant, in a abusive relationship and getting a abortion at weeks end. first let me say that i am "pro-life" for myself and "pro-choice" for everyone else., but nevertheless it touched me and i told her to have the young lady call me and see if there is anything i can do to help. 4 days ago she calls and tells me that she did not go through with it and immediately begins discussing her lifes ups and downs. relieved i give her advice on programs and benefits. she called me 4 times today alone. so when i saw her grandmother today she informs me that "amber' wants me to take the baby and raise it. i have so many questions???????????? can i do it without a adoption agency and still make it legal?


Asked by Anonymous at 1:09 AM on Aug. 11, 2009 in Adoption

This question is closed.
Answers (20)
  • You can hire an attorney to handle the legal end and you will have lawyer and court fees. You may also have to do a homestudy. A lawyer may be able to better direct you what your state requires. But at 19 I would not be too surprised if she changes her mind again and chooses to parent this child. It is wonderful that you are considering parenting this child but the child who is pregnant will need support as well. Perhaps counseling from a domestic violence agency in her area so that she can get a good perspective on her situation and certainly they will address the pregnancy.


    Answer by frogdawg at 6:54 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • yes but you would need a lawer or attorney general to file the papers so that you are the sole parent & then they have to be signed by a judge i believe

    Answer by colesmommy2009 at 1:12 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • yes it is possible but please dont push her into it, let her tell you herself because she might change her mind

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:20 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • God Bless You! you could be his legal gaurdian until? good question
    You were chosen to be this little joys mama !

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:23 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • show her

    Answer by 2mothershelpers at 1:24 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • thanks anon 1:23, deeply appreciated..... i just am wondering what steps to take like, the father has been notified ( via through glass-he's in jail) does he have a say? what is the "grace period" for her to change her mind? she talks around the issue and then in the next sentence says " you and hubby going to my doctor's appt."? i just don't know if i should flat out ask??? a new edition takes planning and she is due in late feb. ?

    Answer by NURSE_MOM_OF_2 at 1:38 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • 2mothers is a moron. She didn't the question

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:00 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • You should seek a free consultation from a family lawyer and she should have her own. Are you considering open adoption? Also, she should get some counseling before & after the baby is born. If she were to change her mind at the last minute, could you support her decision? Maybe she will still go thru with it, and later have regrets. Will that threaten you, or will you realize that it's part of grieving her loss?

    Congratulations & I hope it all works out. You started your question Anon & I didn't know if you knew that you have to hit Anon EVERY time to remain Anon?


    Answer by doodlebopfan at 9:33 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • The advise to seek advise of a family/adoption attorney in your area is a wise one because in every state you cannot do a designated adoption.

    Were it me - I'd really make sure this is the step she wants to take - is she just doing this because she feels it is the only option? Does she realize that with hard work and determination that she can do it? Is she aware of the grief that she'll experience? I would really talk through all these issues with her, just because when you're not prepared for them, it can be devastating for everyone - the child most of all.

    I know I kind of sound anti-adoption but I'm not - I'm VERY pro-adoption but I also feel REALLY strongly about providing expectant moms with all resources available - because a permanent solution for a temporary problem isn't always best.

    Best of luck to you all :)

    Answer by AAAMama at 1:26 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • "I know I kind of sound anti-adoption but I'm not - I'm VERY pro-adoption but I also feel REALLY strongly about providing expectant moms with all resources available - because a permanent solution for a temporary problem isn't always best."

    Clap, clap, clap! You sound educated and compassionate to me! In most instances, a woman does not really WANT to give her baby to someone else to raise. Honestly, who would really want to do that? But, often, an expectant mom feels she has no other choice. Make certain that this expectant mom is unwilling or unable to parent before you take her baby. Help direct her first to available resources.

    Answer by Southernroots at 4:05 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

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