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i know it's a stupid question but...

i am infatuated with this man, i've worked with him and since i quite we have chatted via e-mail and have "been together" a couple times.
i am afraid..i don't know if it's ok to care about him as more than a friend or what. i feel like i read too deeply into things.
i want things to come at their own pace but i don't know what that is.
i feel so stupid an inexperienced in this even though i was married for 5 years.
What do i do? i'm afraid to make a fool of myself but i also know that if he can't accept me for who i am he isn't worth it...

Truth is...i'm afraid to get hurt again...logic tells me to let go and remember him as the kind wonderful man he is...something else is not content with this.
i know he likes me but i don't know how much...Should i just let myself feel for him and go with the flow or hold back?
Should i find out how he really feels about me before i let my inhibitions go?
i hate being so logical sometimes.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:22 AM on Aug. 11, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • well when me and my hubby were first dating I got to that confused stage too and I just sat down with him and let him know how I felt and I needed to know how he felt, honestly, about me. It was that simple for me and can be for you. just work up the nerves to have that talk...


    Answer by Dom123123 at 1:24 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • I wouldn't hurry into anything yet, I personally would see were it goes, and if you are meant to be then everything will work out, good luck and God Bless


    Answer by looovemybabies at 1:24 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • You'll never know unless you try for it. This man could be an amazing person for you and you might let him go? Have you asked him where you two stand together? Maybe he feels the same way. Just don't give up on him when you havent' even given him a chance.

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 1:41 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • hun. I've been in this exact situation and I ended up getting hurt.
    But its true. you'll never know until you ask.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:21 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • Okay, so you've "been together," but has he wanted to get together with you for more than sex? Say, taken you out to a nice dinner, or asked you to come over just to watch a movie and hang out, or called you on the phone (which i think is more personal than email)? If not, I would question his intentions, but that's just me. The only way you'll know is if you ask him.

    Answer by missanc at 8:44 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • There is one sure way to know. That is for you to nothing except wait. If he is truly interested in this going any farther, he will contact you. If he doesn't, then you have your answer. Sex does not equal love, never has, never will. Some men are masters at making women feel all warm and fuzzy to get what they want, and then they move right on to the next available female. Some men are looking for wives to settle down with and to have families with. The way you find out the difference is to not have sex with them until after you are married. I know it's a bit old-fashioned, but it works every time it's tried. Marriages that last are not built on physical attraction. They are built on character and commitment and dedication to the spouse. Waiting with patience is the only way to discern the real intents of a man's mind. Go about your life and wait to see what happens.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:54 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • OP here- Yes missanc, he has brought me out and he's also told his female friends about me.
    Currently i have no phone {stolen}. E-mail is the most convenient, we both work long hours and don't have much time for anything else.

    NannyB- i'm not looking for a husband, and i don't think he's looking for a wife. Just someone to be with for now.
    i do feel like i can trust him without question, that is a very rare thing for me and speaks volumes to the ones who know me.
    i know sex does not equal love, i can deal with sex only relationships as long as i know that is how it's going to be.
    So far this hasn't interrupted or affected my daily life or any plans i haven.
    i know for me relationships have always been second, i think he is the same way which makes this feel complicated.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:21 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

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