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help with sex

maybe you ladys can help me. i know lots of women don't have much of a sex drive after a baby. i feel like i don't think ill ever have one again. i have only been with one man and that's my hubby.anyways i have never had a orgasm. anyways i feel like sex is not even close to how it used to be. now and days if he horny i hear about it all freaking day. out of the blue im horny. uhhh ok what do you want me to do about it. its the middle of the day and baby's not going to sleep any time soon. i really hate it when hes really horny and he ruins a great moment. were kissing its nice you know it something that does NOT have to do with sex. it just us being with each other. and all of the sudden he has to grab my boob all hard and try to stick his hands down my pants. i cant do as many things as i used to do(sex wise) cuz it hurts now but he still askes to do the things i cant do. what do i do? i feel like crap

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:14 AM on Aug. 11, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • You need to tell him that it's going to take some time for you to get back into the swing of things, and he needs to understand that. It's nothing against him, but you JUST had a baby and you don't feel up for sex right now, but you'll let him know when you do.
    I went through the same thing! Also, I've never had an orgasm with any guy I've ever been with either; something like just 10% of women can orgasm during sex
    SarahLeeMorgan

    Answer by SarahLeeMorgan at 3:35 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • Hey honey,

    I'm really glad to see you're seeking help for this. A lot of women are too selfish to think about their husbands!

    Some thoughts:

    -What things did you enjoy about sex and intimacy before having a baby? Write these things down and think on it. Remember what you enjoyed about sex.

    -Get creative. Don't save sex for bedtime when you're tired--try the morning, the afternoon, evening before dinner, etc. It won't kill the baby to hang out in the crib or playpen for awhile as you get it on. Take showers and baths with your man.

    -Spend time alone together. Regularly get a babysitter or relative to take the child--out of your house. Have the baby go to grandma's. Get the house to yourselves and enjoy it. Enjoy the peace and quiet, spend time together, and do it on the kitchen counter.

    -Realize that some things, like certain cleaning tasks, can wait. You can vacuum later. Spend time with your man now.
    Mousuke

    Answer by Mousuke at 4:17 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • (cont)

    -I'm sure that orgasms are the last thing you're thinking about right now, but have you ever used toys or taken a workshop at a sex store? Don't be shy, there are great workshops for couples that are verrrry enlightening. For future reference, might I suggest experimenting with different lubes and a vibrating cock ring? It's an easy way to start small with toys without being uncomfortable.

    -Be intimate throughout the day. Hold hands. Kiss passionately. Snuggle together on the couch. Cop a feel in the kitchen. Flirt. Be physical. The more continual contact you have, the less abrupt it will feel when you transition to sex.

    -Try to remember that your husband doesn't just want you for sex. He loves you and this is one way of expressing it. Aim to have sex with him, even if you don't really feel like it. Many women find that once they do have sex, they get really revved up!
    Mousuke

    Answer by Mousuke at 4:19 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • ok s youve never had he big O.....sounds like hubby is only concerned about getting his....and thats selfish....id hit some one....i need mine at least once a month....or i get cranky.....i to have lost my sex rive....but hubbys good....so i make a fe exception....lol...why not talk to him and tell him hey buddy sex right now is just another thing on mylist that needs to get done....and a scale of one to ten its ten right now....i so get how you feel(not about the big O though) i mean i have a 2 year old and nother one on the way in 3 days...so i get it....the house needs cleaned the baby needs changed the dishes arent done, dinner insnt made, i need a shower,,,and the list goes on and on....your tired we all get that...but maybe you could set up atim once a week at night when the baby is asleep and do it with your hubby...andif you dont get the bigO....tell him see thats th real reason i dont wanna have sex....but thats me
    Mamaof2boys0709

    Answer by Mamaof2boys0709 at 8:01 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • My dh wants to do that with our 7 yr old awake like that's going to happen. I lost my sex drive back 10 yrs ago when I kept getting BV and kept getting tested all the time for sexually transmitted dieases. Just kind of turns a person off everytime u have sex u end up with something and the drs can't do anything about it but give more drugs. I like MOUSKES suggestions tho I think she has some valid points altho I have never in my life used sex toys. I can have orgasims my dh knows how to get them out of me. I've had a hysterectomy now and have zero sex drive but I still think mine comes from all the bv's and yeast infections I get. Try out some of the things from the above. We use condoms even tho both of us are not capable of having children any more. Make sure dh knows to take it slow and build back up. I hate to suggest this since I don't do this either how about a blow job or hand job?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:06 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • For a woman, sex begins in the mind. With a man, sex begins in his hormones. There is very likely some resentment in you towards him because he is not treating you with the gentleness you crave and he is not satisfactorily meeting your emotional needs. You need to tell him the truth about the situation, but you must do it from your point of view and not be accusing him of anything. The truth is that men think that women are just like them, and we definitely are not. I also would suggest that you get a good book on how sex is supposed to work inside of marriage and the two of you read a little in it together before you go to bed at night. There are many to choose from: INTENDED FOR PLEASURE by Ed &Gage Wheat, FROM ANGER TO INTIMACY by Gary Smalley & Ted Cunningham, CREATING AN INTIMATE MARRIAGE by Jim Burns, THE ACT OF MARRIAGE by Tim & Beverly LaHaye, HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS(sorry, don't remember the author on this one).
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:06 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • idk... but you NEED to have an orgasm when you are feeling up to it. =)
    Use toys, your hands...etc.. but nothing beats that feeling.
    sharisse

    Answer by sharisse at 10:29 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • i can orgasm by getting on top leaning forward and grinding with him inside me. does no one else do this? i'm always reading ppl saying their hands or whatever, but i don't need him to do anything but stay up.
    my sex drive went to hell when my 3rd baby was born. he just turned a year and it seems to be coming back. i did explain to my SO that it doesnt work if he crawls up to me out of nowhere ready for it- especially if i'm exhausted. your man is not trying to be a jerk- he prob spends time thinking about how good u feel and just wants u so bad. Try to find a few seconds a few times a day to remember how it felt to hav sex really turned on. if u think about it more- the hormones will follow-maybe slowly at first. don't just blow him off- it can hurt to be turned down- explain to him that it's not him. also tell him that when u do it he needs to take it really slow so u can be ready for him. if he touches u alot and does
    ranedare

    Answer by ranedare at 11:05 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • CONT ::everything really slowly, your body will respond and get ready for him. the main thing is you really need to talk to him about it in detail and start trying to bring your own desires back slowly. maybe some gentle masturbation alone will help u also. don't feel alone- i had always been a nympho and this happened to me...
    ranedare

    Answer by ranedare at 11:11 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • i would go back to the basics of when u and hubby were just dateing and couldnt get enough of each other...i would use lubes, and toys if done right it will put u in the mood...u didnt say how old ur lo was but he hes young like a newborn what u r going through is normal...also have a talk to ur dh about makeing it fun for u do thing that use to turn u on...just point blank tell him if he doesnt make it fun for u then he wont ever get it again...i had this talk when me and my dh got together...he was all me me if all else fails go to ur dr and talk to them about what ur going through maybe they can give u something to lift ur libo
    rainmommy

    Answer by rainmommy at 11:39 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

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