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Anyone have any good "men" jokes?

I'll start off...........

How do you really hurt a man with words?

Slam him in the cock with a dictionary!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:15 AM on Aug. 11, 2009 in Just for Fun

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • Dear Walter,
    I hope you can help me here. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't driven more than a mile down the road when the engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbour's daughter. I am 41, my husband is 44, and the neighbour's daughter is 22.
    We have been married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.
    Can you p
    ItsMeGigi69

    Answer by ItsMeGigi69 at 3:24 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • Q: What's the one thing that keeps most men out of college?
    A: High school

    Q: Why do women have more trouble with hemorrhoids than men?
    A; Because God made man the perfect asshole.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:20 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • A mother and daughter are talking about the facts of life.
    The girl says, "Mommy, what's a penis?"
    Her mother says, "That's what your father pees with."
    Then the girl says, "So what's a prick?"
    Her mother frowns and says, "That's what is attached to the penis."
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:22 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • If a man is alone in the woods without a woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:23 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • Dear Sheila:

    A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.

    I hope this helps,

    Walter
    ItsMeGigi69

    Answer by ItsMeGigi69 at 3:24 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • Sorry, the title of this was "Why Men Should Not Give Advice"
    ItsMeGigi69

    Answer by ItsMeGigi69 at 3:26 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • :Last night I made live to my wife four time," the parisian bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious crepes and told me how mush she adored me."
    "Ah last night I made love the my wife six times," the Italian responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelette and told me she could never love another man."
    When the American remained silent, the Parisian smugly asked, "And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?"
    "Once," he replied
    "Only once?" the Italian snorted. "And what did she say to you this morning?"
    "Don't stop."
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:35 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • Why do men name their penises?

    Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:37 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his
    office... But she was dating someone else.One day Eddie got so
    frustrated that he went to her and said, 'I'll give you $100 if you let me have
    sex with you...The girl looked at him, and then said, 'NO!' Eddie said, 'I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up. '
    She thought for a bit and said that she would ask her boyfriend...So she called him and explained the situation.
    Her BF says, 'Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down.' She agreed and accepts the proposal. Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call.. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks, 'What happened...?' Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, 'The bastard had all all dimes"!!!
    ItsMeGigi69

    Answer by ItsMeGigi69 at 3:38 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • LMAO, Good one!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:42 AM on Aug. 11, 2009