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Need tips on raising a teenager.

I have a friend who has a 13yr old boy and he is just about to be out of control. there is no father in the picture and my friend is at her wits end,any suggestions

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Asked by travsgirl2007 at 8:55 AM on Aug. 11, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (12)
  • Be consistent without fail with punishment and swift. Do not tolerate disrepect. I have one teen right now and two older kids in their twenties. When the older two were younger and the teen too I took away and didn't give back. Now I word respect to my teen who's 16yo a girl and horrifically hormonal that she can live here and follow my rules or elsewhere and take the luck of the draw. Surely your friend must know some other parents as a couple of single who's kids are disrepectful but they get punished rountinely? I tell mine, my teen now as growing, and older two when they were younger that they choose to be punished or not. I don't choose and I don't make them disrespect me and others. They chose and choose as my teen does. If they make choice to disrespect, and not every wrong choice is disrespectful, there are consequences of loss longterm of items and privleges. Cells tvs games computrs,cars are not teen rights.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:05 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • I agree as well as cells, etc neither are homecomings, football games, proms, use of a car, etc teen rights. They are earned by their behavior.

    Stand firm and soon they will realize that what mom says mom means. During the teen years we become the mean moms again. Remember mom first, friend second!

    Answer by baconbits at 9:10 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • boot camp for teens it helps and i also agree with anonymous but if he is really out of control there is a boot camp for teens

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:14 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • nail that boys butt to the floor.. clean out his room, take away all but what he has on, curfew, no snacks, no cell phone, be a super strickt parent, clean up the yard, wash the windows.. im mean cinderlla his butocks..

    Answer by ArlieBeeMee at 9:18 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • 814anon hey I'm first anon. Didn't think of boot camp, I'm really impressed when I've seen Judge Judy and Miion's shows with boot camps. Maury Povich has done a lot of that with kids too on his shows. op if you do something like a boot camp just tell your friend to not wait till it starts to be consistent with punishment. Start sooner not latter then boot camp will give more coping skills. I know someone who went to somekind of rehab and the family had to go to tons of counselling sessions there and throughout the country. It wasn't just counselling and rehab for the kid. I think your friend should call her son's school and ped for camp names. If money stops that then counselling in school and outside several times a week still strictness at home no matter what the son does. Has he hit the mom? If so she should call police and never be alone with him in his moods, leave immediately and go to a neighbors.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:22 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • Don't ever make a threat you can't keep. Be sure that if you say it you mean it. I have a 16 yo dd and have had many talks with her about what I expect from her. And what she expects too. I have laid out what will happen if she screws up. And she has, and I have taken everything, not going anywhere, no one comes here, no bf, cell, laptop, nothing. When it does happen I have to be strong, because I will back down, but I'm better with it then I was! If she gets pissed but like I say this is your doing not mine. She doesn't have that many rules and her curfew is fair. So it isn't that hard to do the right thing. But 16 isn't fun. Hopefully your friends kid isn't doing anything against the law, maybe a night in a holding cell would set them straight.

    Answer by wallmom1 at 10:36 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • Maybe family counseling
    definitely demand respect by taking away privileges
    try spending time with him because there may be a root issue like he misses his father.

    Answer by amber710 at 3:06 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • But what's he doing to warrant strict discipline? Before anyone can give advice, first you must find out what the child is doing wrong or if he's not wrong and just being a child...

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 4:48 PM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • There is a reason he is acting out. Has she had a mental exam on him, bi-polar, ADHD, etc..?
    Often at this age if not treated for mental health it will get much worse. Punishing a child like this does no good if they are not recieving the mental help that they need.

    Answer by ronjwake at 3:01 AM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • I would start with family and individual counseling. Then I would contact Big Brothers/Big Sisters and get him a big brother. He needs a positive role model. He also needs to be evaluated for mental illness (Bipolar, ADHD or another behavior disorder). You also need to stop blaming the lack of a father for this kids problems, that is not always the case. My son was raised without his father and he is fine. I don't let him get away with being disrespectful. He has to be polite, respectful. etc. You also need to respect him, his wants and needs, how he is feeling. Try talking to him (not at him), talk to him about why he is acting like he is. Keep the lines of communication open, it may not be easy but it can work out. Asking for or needing help is ok.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 1:25 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

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