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Im not sure if she is right or wrong; child support, visitation and holidays...

My SO's BM seems to think its okay for her to get their son EVERY CHRISTMAS (we get him about 1-2 in the afternoon, even if it means thats he does get to see his fathers side of the family), not one time in 5 years have we got to have him christmas morning to see the joy on his face that santa came.... She seems to think that its okay that her new husband takes over the father role because she says my SO only comes into their sons life every 12 days for evey oter weekend visits... which it would be more except my SO works out of town 5 days a week and she doesnt want to give up her weekends.... She claims the 115 dollars a week isnt enough even though she lives at home with her parents ( i personally do think its enough because i dont even spend that much on my DD who is still on formula and in diapers and baby food) , she has no housing bills... my SO went into his bedroom this past weekend.... cont...

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:47 AM on Aug. 11, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • e just hada birthday party here this weekend and got him afew small gifts... after we were done eatting cake he said, well i know this isnt evenmy real, my party is this weekend and im having a bigger cake with lots of presents.... i felt like saying, IM DONE!,

    That's when you and daddy tell him, this is our real birthday party for you. Also, tell him that what he said was not very nice and he should say thank you. I would try to teach him manners and respect and like some of the other mom's said, slow down on the gifts and start a little savings account for him. The mom is spoiling him and that's her choice, but daddy needs to just teach him right from wrong, good manners, respect, and love. He will appriciate it when he gets older and he will know that daddy loves him and not just bought his love.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:26 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • and said that his son has about 3 times as many toys as my DD and his son put together ( the toys that are at our home), and trust me, they have ALOT of toys.... We are sartin to feel like we need to compete with her because everytime a holiday or special occasion comes along he is always asking if there is more presents after hes done opening what we got him, or as hes opening them he will say " oh, i already have this".... we took him shopping and everything we pointed out he said he already has... I dont knowhat to do or say to make my SO feel better about him being a good father, he is a good father..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:49 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • I would not even try to compete. We go through the same thing with my hubby's son and we just pay the child support. We may buy one or two inexpensive gifts to put under our tree for him but we do not buy lots of gifts on top of paying child support. The economy is bad and we just can not afford it and I think when a child says " I already have that" than he is not hurting for anything and all he needs is daddy's love.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:58 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • As for Christmas, I think many do alternate years. Some do split the day up if they live very close. If that isn't what your SO has in his divorce papers then he can go back and petition to have it changed.
    As for trying to compete with the BM family, please try and resist that temptation. It's harmful to the child and the whole situation. Just be good parents. Start a college fund and add to it as often as you can. Believe me he will appreciate the fact that his dad is helping him get to college when the time comes if he so chooses. If the toy thing is a huge problem, give him clothes that can remain at your home and some money. Make a big deal about taking him to the toy store so he can pick out what he wants with that money. If the mom is not being the one to give him a good stable environment then the dad needs to do it.
    This child will realize certain rules are followed at dads and that is not a bad thing.
    itsmesteph11

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 10:03 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • I think that if he is saying "I already have that" then he must have alot of toys. Maybe you could cut back and just do a few toys, and then as a big present plan a family vacation or 'coupons' for fun things instead. (like- this is good for going to see 1 new movie, this is good for a day at the amusement park). My parents give my kids some gifts, and then they usually put $ in my kids savings accounts-- which will give them a good start to their future. Maybe think of opening a savings account for him and adding to it.
    As for the mom, try talking to her about alternating holidays, if she refuses you may want to check out what the visitation order is, and possibly take her back to court to get holidays changed.
    Good luck
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 10:14 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • OP here.... I try to resist :( We just hada birthday party here this weekend and got him afew small gifts... after we were done eatting cake he said, well i know this isnt evenmy real, my party is this weekend and im having a bigger cake with lots of presents.... i felt like saying, IM DONE!, why are children taught to be thankful for what they get this year. Also about holidays, we live 45 minutes away from her, so this past year we ended up driving in to get him, going to my SO's familys dinner, even though we missed it because it was at 12 and we didnt arrive until 1:30, dropped him back off so he could go to her familys house, drove 1 1/2 to my familys house ( they live 30-45 minutes past my house) and then back down to his house to get him at 8:00 at night so he could open up his presents from us finally.... she wasnt willing to meet us or anything...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:14 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • oh and i forgot, there is nothing in writing bout holidays.... her excuse is crying and saying... BUT HE MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME... which i understand but that doesnt mean he doesnt mean anything to his father and his new sister and myself...we would like to see him as well ya know.... I hav tried to talk SO into taking her back to court but he says hes so tired of her talking to him like a little boy and when they go to court she tries to make him look bad
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:17 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • stop getting him 'stuff' for gifts. How about TRIPS. Say. getting him passes to a local amusement park, or chuck'e'cheese. A pool pass for summer. Whatever. And then when he is with you, you can go and do that stuff.
    as for the time you guys get him, if you aren't happy about it, go to court. Most times they will have you switch every other year on holidays, and you could even press for more time on the weekends because your SO is out of town M-F.
    ProudSingleMum

    Answer by ProudSingleMum at 10:47 AM on Aug. 11, 2009