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Do you think its fair that my SO's BM thinks he shouldnt have any say in important thngs in their sons life because she says " he only comes into my sons life every 12 days".... weekend agreement...

we have him every other weekend, and she isnt willing to give up her weekends so we can see him more... she thinks its fine to consult hre husband on the important things in my DH's and her sons life, but not my DH what so ever.... Even though its "every 12 days" does that change the fact that hes his father?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:40 AM on Aug. 11, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • Any good parent wants time with their child? No any SELFISH parent makes the other see the kids less. You teach your kids to share and then just because you have a hissy fit you forget that rule. I am sorry but unless there is a damn good reason for it not to be, visitation should be split 50/50. Deadbeats and abusers aside. What about the men who are there every second of their kids lives, and then when custody comes up they lose out? A lot of good men are missing time with their children. I think you should all be ashmed of yourselves. You are ruining the next generation.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:42 PM on Aug. 12, 2009

  • NO absolutely not! He still has parental rights, even though no she does not have to give up her weekends, he still has a say in the childs life.
    Trotterswife

    Answer by Trotterswife at 10:49 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • I don't think fairness has anything to do with it. There are very rarely going to be two people who can be objective about anything in these sharing situations. She thinks that because she is responsible for the child the majority of the time that she should have the freedom to make the decisions. Understandably, your husband feels that he is left out of a lot of his child's life and would very much like to be a part of making those decisions. Ideally, mom and dad stay together and decisions are made as a team. When the ideal is missed, these are the consequences of failure, pure and simple. About all one can do is try to see it from the child's point of view and leave the adults' selfish desires out of it, and that is not an easy thing to do. Just encourage your husband to not allow himself to be so distracted by what he is not a part of to destroy the time that he does have with his child. Maybe that will help some.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:56 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • She is the one there everyday with him I can see why she thinks that way. Why not try to get joint custody so you have him more. Then he would have more time with his child. I would not be satisfied with only see my child 4 days a month and would fight for more time. I think a child should always get as close to equal time with mom and dad in custody agreements. If you are actually concerned you will go for joint custody. Means more work for you but if you love your SO you will encourage it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:03 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • Anon, her fight would be that he is never home and the child would be we me. and honestly if me and him would split up, and his girlfriend or mother of his new child would be the one watching my DD all the time and she would never see his father, then I would put up that fight too. I just dont think he should be excluded from the important decisions of his sons life
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:12 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • If he has joint custody, then LEGALLY he has the right to have a say in his son's life. And joint legal custody, is different from joint physical custody, it's all in the wording. Chances are, he has the right to be involved and there is nothing she can say. Your dh needs to learn exactly what his rights are in regards to his child so he can stand up for his son when need be.
    Petie

    Answer by Petie at 11:23 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • whose stupid rule was it that fathers get their kids every OTHER weekend? You people should be ashamed of yourselves thinking that is fair! How would you like it if you got to see your kids 4 days a month? You don't cause I see women who don't have custody of their children on CM bitching that you don't. How is every other weekend good for these children? Think before you act, these children need their fathers.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:29 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • I think this is between your SO and his child's mother....you should mind your own business, ESPECIALLY considering you aren't even married to the father.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:41 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • he still has parental rights, and if its that bad then he should take her to court. There's nothing else really that can be done.. if HE wants to push the issue then the court system is the place to do it. In the meantime, you (while I can see you care) don't have any say, so you have to let this be his fight.
    kristal2146

    Answer by kristal2146 at 11:50 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

  • I think your SO should look over the custody/visitation papers and see if his rights are listed in them. If she has the child most of the time and is the 'custodial' parent then I would imagine she would have more 'say' in what goes on in the childs life since she is the one raising him. If your SO is having a problem or feels 'cut out' then maybe he should consult a lawyer and see what his options are, or try for more equal custody/visitations. If he is 'cut out' due to his work and not being home- maybe he should look for a different job where he would be home more and be able to be a bigger part of his childs life.
    Whatever happens he and the ex need to hash it out themselves-- you and her current hubby need to back off and let them work it out.
    good luck
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:52 AM on Aug. 11, 2009

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